A dead bedroom in any relationships, is a problem, and it’s a big problem.
If you don’t know what a dead bedroom is consider yourself lucky, it’s a sexless relationship, and there is an entire reddit forum devoted to the topic.
But there should be thousands of reddit forums and websites devoted to the topic, because millions, if not tens of millions of people are living in sexless relationships.
Instead people in sexless relationships over tell themselves that sex isn’t a big deal, which it isn’t, when you’re having sex consistently, but it’s a huge deal when you’re not having sex regularly.
Not having sex in a relationship is the beginning of the end, especially if you’re not getting along, no sex plus fighting is how relationships die.
Remember, there is no neutral in the game of life, you’re either going up or going down, and when you think you’re maintaining, you’re usually going down, it’s just a slow enough ride that you can’t see it until it’s too late.
How To Defeat A Dead Bedroom With Karezza
In the past people called it the 7 year itch.
Now there’s science behind it, scientists called the Coolidge effect.
The Coolidge effect is:
” a biological phenomenon seen in animals, whereby males and females exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new partner is introduced to have sex with, even after cessation of sex with prior but still available sexual partners.”
Or in laymen’s terms, people get bored of f*cking each other, just like people will get bored of anything if it’s the only thing on the menu.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a $100 filet mignon, if you have steak for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, you’re going to get bored of steak.
And that’s a big problem, because the basis of every romantic relationship is love, so when you’re not actively making love, the love between the two of you weakens over time, which means your relationship weakens over time.
The divorce rate is 50%, I’d be willing to be that would be cut in half, if people were able to consistently have deeply fulfilling, blissful, karezza-style sex throughout the entire length of a marriage. When you’re able to have sex like that, whatever fights or resentments you built up over the course of a week are gone in an instant.
With a dead bedroom however, you never have that reboot, and the fights and the bickering fester into resentment, or worse, into cheating. If you haven’t had sex with your partner in years, you’re effectively celibate, which naturally makes it a lot harder to be faithful, especially when you don’t see the situation changing any time soon.
What most guys don’t know, unless they’re already married, is that women tend to get bored first. You could even make the argument that women are WORSE suited to long term monogamy then men are, since they tend to get bored of sex first, and initiate 70% of the divorces.
Not to mention, in today’s society, with Tinder and all the other available options for affairs, women now cheat as much as men do. An eye-opening book is Michelle Langley’s “Women’s Infidelity“, which outlines both her own infidelity as well as the infidelities of the women she interviewed. It’s worth the read, but if you don’t have the time I’ll summarize it: the Coolidge Effect made them get bored of f*cking their husbands, so they f*cked someone else, and it made them feel alive again.
Ultimately, you can make the argument that humans aren’t designed to pair bond for a lifetime and that’s why many people get bored of f*cking each other after 4-7 years. Which is enough time to have and raise a few kids, whereby nature considers your mission accomplished, and tell you to go find and f*ck other people.
You can make the argument that this is why you should never get monogamous. Or that you should live as a serial monogamist, ready to cut the cord when sex starts drying up, while having casual sex between relationships. And both of those strategies are legitimate options.
But monogamy has some pros to, especially if you’ve found a high quality woman you really connect with and who you’ve built a life with. It’s nice to know, assuming you’ve screened for the right woman, that you don’t have to worry about STDs, or her hooking up with another guy before she comes to see you, or even worse her getting pregnant by another guy. Obviously you can’t guarantee fidelity, but with excellent screening, and putting her through the trust test, you can minimize the probability.
With that said, I’m not trying to make the case for monogamy, if you want the pros and cons, I suggest you read my article on how to develop your dating gameplan. I’m also not trying to make the case for legal marriage, especially in a western country, with a 50% divorce rate, and the way judgements in family courts are structured, it’s way too much of a legal risk these days.
Whether you want to be monogamous or not is up to you. If you do choose to be monogamous, or are already in a monogamous relationship, I think you’d be wise to look into non-ejaculatory, deeply-bonded, karezza-style sex.
It’s the ultimate relationship hack because it allows you to transmute your base-level, primitive sexual energy into higher, more fulfilling sex. And because both you and your partner aren’t org@sming, your dopamine levels stay high, your prolactin levels stay low, and you avoid the Coolidge Effect. Not to mention the fact that your mood and energy levels double once you’ve gone a few months of NoF@P and No PMO, while transmuting that energy into blissful sex with your partner.
An excellent book on the subject is Marnia Robinson’s “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow.” As opposed to “Women’s Infidelity”, “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow” doesn’t just cover the problem, it outlines the solution as well. You can also find a lot more information on the Coolidge Effect and Karezza at Marni’s excellent site reuniting.info, as well as a lot of crowdsourced experience from couples who have resurrected their dead bedrooms through non-org@smic spiritual sex.
The whole idea is to not org@sm, not to masturbate, and to let your sexual energy build. And to transmute that energy into blissful experiences with your girl through affectionate touch, deep eye contact, slow connected sex, and to try and move the energy up from your pelvic floor into your heart chakra.
Which of course all sounds like bullsh*t….
But I can tell you from personal experience that Karezza is the real deal and is the best sex I’ve ever had. From that point on, every other type of sex became just a pale imitation.
It started for me when I hit 30 and was in love for the first time, and living with a girl for the first time. I’d started to realize that ejaculation was becoming a problem both for my energy and my mood, and had been practicing multiple org@sms for a while.
But it wasn’t until I found myself up late at night in the living room almost every night j*rking off to p*rn that I knew I had a problem. It was a total shock to the system to go from a decade of sexual excess to monogamy, to the point that where I felt like I was losing my mind in yoga class watching girls bend over in front of me in near sea-through spandex pants.
So I committed, and explained things to my girlfriend, and we started experimenting and had amazing sex. She never really liked rough sex all that much to begin with so she adapted to it faster than I did. And to my surprise I realized I liked making love way more than all the kinky stuff I’d done before. And that this was the feeling I was actually chasing, but never finding, through all of my sexual adventures.
Unfortunately that wasn’t enough to save the relationship, but that was because she was just fundamentally incompatible with me, it wasn’t sex that was our problem, it was everything else, and even amazing sex wasn’t enough to solve it.
But it wasn’t just a one time thing, I was able to have that kind of sex with girlfriends after her, and even with a few girls who I was seeing non-exclusively who I cared about and connected with. And it wasn’t just that the sex was good, it goes far beyond good sex, to the point where I can say that the best moments I’ve had over the last decade were when I was having non-ejaculatory, heart-centered, karezza style s*x with a woman I cared about.
This was especially true when I hadn’t masturbated for months. My record for NoF@P and No PMO is 8 months, and by the end of that 8 months the sex I was having was out of this world. I would be walking around in euphoria for the rest of the day. And my mood and energy were through the roof, not to mention I had cyclops-style laser beam eye contact with everyone I met, and it was also one of the most productive periods of my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, it takes a lot of discipline to control your sexual energy. And I haven’t been able to make it past more than a few months of no org@sm since then. And it takes time to find a good girl that you really care about. And karezza is not guaranteed to save your relationship. But it is a total game changer, and I can’t speak highly enough about it as both a relationship management technique, and a strategy for achieving blissful states.
If I ever choose to be monogamous again, it will only be with a girl who is on the same page, and who is willing to have spiritual sex with me. Not only is spiritual sex an amazing experience, but without it, I doubt I would be able to be in a monogamous relationship for more than 6 months. If you’re struggling with a dead bedroom, and you think the relationship is worth saving, I highly recommend you try karezza as well as check out the related resources below:
- Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow
- Women’s Infidelity
- How To Transmute Your Sexual Energy: Ejaculation, Energy, Tantra, NO F@P, NO PMO, Sex, Levels, Expectations
- How To Develop Your Dating Gameplan Part 4: Your Relationship Gameplan/Casual Sex Vs. Polyamory Vs. Monogamy Vs. Pros Vs. Celibacy
- Girlfriend Series Part 1: How To Find The Right Girl
- How To Have Healthy Relationships With Women Part 1
- How To Have Healthy Relationships With Women Part 2
- How To Have Healthy Relationships With Women Part 3