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Girlfriend Series Part 2: Moving In Together

In part 1 we talk about how to screen for the right girlfriend, in this article I’m going to show you what to expect when you move in together and if living together is the right option for you. Moving in together is a big step, in my case I underestimated how big a step and how big an impact having someone sharing my territory would have on my life.

After a decade of bachelorhood I was not ready for how drastically my life would change, so I’ve given you guys exactly what to expect so that when you do move in, you’re prepared:

What You Need

1) The Right Girlfriend

This is the most important thing, living with the wrong girl will 100% of the time end in disaster.

2) A Cohabitation Agreement Before The Move

This is not a legal document but a list of who is responsible for what, groceries, chores (her of course),schedules etc. as well as who pays for what and how much. This holds you both accountable for doing what you promised to each other and will save a lot of fights.

3) A Legal Dissolution Agreement

This means she agrees to waive any claims to your assets or financial payments from you, how you’ll divide common furniture, who will move out, how the remainder of the joint lease will be paid etc. This might seem extreme but after a common law period of living together a woman may now have the same rights to your assets that she would have after marriage depending on your country/state.

4) Protect Your Assets

Make sure the bulk of your assets are protected, ideally offshore. Now if you have the right girl and a proper agreement the chances of her being able to touch your assets are slim, however no legal agreement is airtight and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

The Pros

Comfort

Having a great girl and a nice place to to come home to is a really nice feeling, like your own personal bubble away from the rest of the world. Your life feels stable knowing you’ve got someone who has your back, a teammate in life.

Intimacy

A lot of guys don’t realize that men don’t just have sexual needs, we have intimacy needs too and having an awesome girl around all day fulfills them, hugging, cuddling all that warm and fuzzy stuff. The chemical responsible for that is oxytocin, and your  baseline levels will be much higher with a sweet girl around. When you fall in love, the “happy” chemical dopamine and the “trust” chemical oxytocin increase to extreme levels, your system literally goes on a happy chemical binge.

Cooking

A bonus of living with a girl who meets your criteria is that you get someone who cooks for you which is a really nice adjustment from a bachelor lifestyle. Remember, pair bonding, sharing territory, sharing resources are in a woman’s best interest, giving her a part of your territory is a huge sacrifice, so make sure you get rewarded accordingly.

The Cons

The Noise

After going from living with yourself to living with someone else you’ll notice a lot more noise in your day to day life, which can be a problem if you really like a quiet living environment.

Time

Naturally when you live with someone you end up spending a lot more time with them. And your girlfriend will have emotional needs which she is looking to fill, which of course is perfectly natural. Just expect to have significantly less time to spend on your mission when you choose to live with a woman. A good amount of your mental energy, emotional energy and time will have to be dedicated to making the relationship run smoothly, much more so then when you were only seeing each other a few nights a week.

Potential Organizational Conflicts

I’m hyper organized, in fact I wrote the book on organization and I highly recommend you follow my organizational strategies, they will make massive improvements in your quality of life.  With that said, your potential live in girlfriend might not want to follow the same playbook, which of course is her right, but can create major problems for the both of you if your organizational strategies are not compatible. One major solution I recommend in advance is to hire a cleaner and send out your laundry so you’re not reliant on the other person or expected to do chores yourself. You want to outsource as many chores as possible to a professional to prevent potential fights over doing chores.

Decoration

If you’re dating a feminine women, there is a good chance you will have very different ideas about how the place should be decorated. I’m a hardcore minimalist and I hate clutter of all kinds and hate having lots of things in my living environment. Unless your girlfriend is on the same page this can also create major conflict in your relationship.

More Drama

Because you’re around each more often, and no longer seeing each other a few nights a week where you’re both on your best behavior, this can easily create more drama. This is especially true because you’ll now be making more group decisions ie. where to live, decorations, what time to leave for dinner, where to go on vacation – you really have to make sure you’re moving in with someone who is low drama and compatible to avoid getting into a lot of fights. I also highly recommend renting a big place, a house is ideal, you don’t want to move in together into a 1 bedroom apartment.

Spending More Money

Living with someone means everything is a group activity now, expect to go to more movies, more dinners, more ordering food, more shopping, more buying her gifts, which means spending more money.

Expectations

In most cases your live in girlfriend will eventually want marriage and kids, even if she doesn’t want them at first. I don’t recommend legal marriage in a western country at all. If you do choose to start a family I’d rather you do it without a marriage contract and with strong asset protection clauses in place. You also need to be prepared in advance that’s its very likely that this is the direction your girlfriend will probably push your relationship, and you should think twice about living with someone if you are a hard no on starting a family, knowing that your agendas are incompatible and could lead to a dramatic breakup down the road.

Freedom

You’ll have less freedom for spontaneous plans and be expected to account for where you are. Jetting off to Southeast Asia on a whim and leaving the girlfriend behind is not an option, women now view your lives as joint.

Mission

It becomes more difficult to focus on your mission, which can cost you money as well as speed of progress in your business . It’s hard to find a woman who accepts your mission as priority # 1 and be content living with a workaholic entrepreneur so choose your parnter wisely.

Space

Unless you’ve taken my advance and rented a large place, you might find it difficult to relax by yourself with some personal time, and you might find that you become more irritable because of if. Choosing a girlfriend who respects your need for space and living in a large place are keys.

Sex

It’s common that both of you will lose significant sexual attraction to each other once you live together due to the coolidge effect. This can be a difficult adjustment if you’re transitioning from being a player with lots of sexual options, the best solution for this is to quit ejaculation and p*rn and make your girlfriend your sole sexual outlet, also combining this with heart centered love making called karezza will make a major difference in the quality of your relationship.

In part 3 of this series you’ll learn how to deal with a break up, check it out here.