Girlfriend Series Part 2: Moving In Together
In part 1 we talk about how to screen for the right girlfriend, in this article I’m going to show you what to expect when you move in together and if living together is the right option for you. Moving in together is a big step, in my case I underestimated how big a step and how big an impact having someone sharing my territory would have on my life.
After a decade of bachelorhood I was not ready for how drastically my life would change, so I’ve given you guys exactly what to expect so that when you do move in, you’re prepared:
What You Need
1) The Right Girlfriend
This is the most important thing, living with the wrong girl will 100% of the time end in disaster.
2) A Cohabitation Agreement Before The Move
This is not a legal document but a list of who is responsible for what, groceries, chores (her of course),schedules etc. as well as who pays for what and how much. This holds you both accountable for doing what you promised to each other and will save a lot of fights.
3) A Legal Dissolution Agreement
This means she agrees to waive any claims to your assets or financial payments from you, how you’ll divide common furniture, who will move out, how the remainder of the joint lease will be paid etc. This might seem extreme but after a common law period of living together a woman may now have the same rights to your assets that she would have after marriage depending on your country/state.
4) Protect Your Assets
Make sure the bulk of your assets are protected, ideally offshore. Now if you have the right girl and a proper agreement the chances of her being able to touch your assets are slim, however no legal agreement is airtight and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
5) You’re Ready To Get Married And Have Kids
You’ve read this post and despite my advice, you are ready to get married and have kids. Despite what she might say, when you move in with a girl this is exactly what she expects, you are now on her gameplan. So unless that’s what you want, save yourself a messy break up in the future and don’t move in with her.
Having a great girl and a nice place to to come home to is a really nice feeling, like your own personal bubble away from the rest of the world. Your life feels stable knowing you’ve got someone who has your back, a teammate in life.
A lot of guys don’t realize that men don’t just have sexual needs, we have intimacy needs too and having an awesome girl around all day fulfills them, hugging, cuddling all that warm and fuzzy stuff. The chemical responsible for that is oxytocin, and your baseline levels will be much higher with a sweet girl around. When you fall in love, the “happy” chemical dopamine and the “trust” chemical oxytocin increase to extreme levels, your system literally goes on a happy chemical binge.
A bonus of living with a girl who meets your criteria is that you get someone who cooks for you which is a really nice adjustment from a bachelor lifestyle. Remember, pair bonding, sharing territory, sharing resources are in a woman’s best interest, giving her a part of your territory is a huge sacrifice, so make sure you get rewarded accordingly.
Constant noise, girls can’t sit still and are always getting up to go to the kitchen to rustle around with pots, talk on the phone to their girlfriends, it gets really distracting.
Need For Attention
Girls need constant attention be it cuddling, sex, conversation, listening to their feelings. Those are needs their parents or roomates used to fill (submissive girls never live alone) and you’ll have to now fill that void.
Talking About Her Day
This is a big priority for girls, they will need to talk about their day for at least 20 minutes every day whether you’re interested or not (usually not). Just know that’s a duty your signing up for when you move in.
Chances are she won’t have the same sense of order you do (as a man order should be the cornerstone of your life), you’ll need to drill this into her lifestyle. Unless you have an extremely traditional girl (which you should) you should probably hire a maid and save yourself fights.
Her Nesting Instinct
Unless you take control of the decoration you can expect to live in Bed, Bath and Beyond.
Living together means small relationship problems will get bigger, its much easier for drama to escalate when living together because you have no time apart and no room to cool off. You’re more reliant on each other for things which can lead to irritation/fighting when one person isn’t happy or fulfilling their agreements.
Spending More Money
Living with someone means everything is a group activity now, expect to go to more movies, more dinners, more ordering food, more shopping, more buying her gifts, which means spending more money.
Expect your woman to be indecisive and for you to make the majority of decisions in terms of food/ activities, she won’t always be happy with these but will rarely/never have a better solution. This is why its best to have a super submissive girl, she’ll be happy to go along with what you want which means less fighting.Movies/TV ShowsExpect to find that you spend more time watching movies and tv as a bonding experience and something to do after dinner but be careful not to fall into a routine of laziness.
She will expect marriage and kids, no matter what she says she will 100% want this, once you’re living together you’re now on her plan of getting married and having kids. She will become dependent on you and expect you to become dependent on her. She will expect you to want to spend time with her family, and expect you to enjoy it. Understand this is her reality and be prepared for it.
Girls will start pushing boundaries around you now that they feel they have you locked in, you have to keep a firm hand. Familiarity breeds contempt and the more she feels she can get away with the more she’ll try.
You’ll have less freedom for spontaneous plans and be expected to account for where you are. Jetting off to Southeast Asia on a whim and leaving the girlfriend behind is not an option, women now view your lives as joint.
It becomes more difficult to focus on your mission, girls are distracting and so is keeping them happy. It’s hard to find a girl who accepts your mission as priority # 1 (although the right one will). You will have to guard extra hard against mediocrity, it’s very easy to slip into eating lots of dessert and cuddling up on the couch every night, that’s what average guys do and that’s not for you. Comfort is the enemy of achievement, so you’ll have to use more discipline to stay on your mission.
It can be difficult to relax with someone always in your personal space, unless you have a big place you might find that you’ll be more irritable due to lack of personal space and always having someone around.
You’ll lose a lot of sexual excitement for her unless you have extremely high natural T levels due to the Coolidge effect. This can be a difficult adjustment if you’re transitioning from being a player with lots of sexual options, the best solution for this is to quit masturbation and porn and make your girlfriend your sole sexual outlet, this will make you a lot more excited to fuck her.
In part 3 of this series you’ll learn how to deal with a break up, check it out here.
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