How To Develop Your Dating Gameplan Part 1: Player Vs. Provider Game

When it comes to dating, just like everything else in life, your gameplan determines your results. If you present the image of an edgy bad boy looking for fun you get women looking for the same thing. If you present the image of a stable provider you get women looking for a relationship. It all depends on what you want to get out of the game.

To get what you want out of the game, you need to know your gameplan down to the letter before you even talk to a woman or send her a message online. From what you want out of the relationship, to your timeline to sex, to where you’re going to take her – the better your gameplan is, the better your results will be.

In this five part series we’re going to cover everything you need to know starting with whether to approach girls as a player or a provider.

Player Vs. Provider Game

To develop your gameplan, the first thing you need to determine is whether you’re going to position yourself with women as a player or a provider.

Player Game

If you want to approach women as a player, you’ve come to the right place and the women section of RLD will serve you well along with these articles:

If you want to be a player, and you have a high sex drive, you’re not the jealous type, and your SMV is top 15% then that’s your move and I fully recommend approaching women from that angle.

Provider Game

Many men don’t want to hook up with a lot of women, they’d prefer to find a high quality girlfriend instead. For other guys, although they might want to get with a lot of attractive women, their sexual market value doesn’t allow for it. The unfortunate truth is, as men we’re always playing from a disadvantaged position in the sexual marketplace, and because women have so many options for easy sex, only the top 15% of guys in their age bracket get quick access to attractive women.

With hard work on building your SMV and fine tuning your game, many guys can make it to poll position. But unfortunately, being top 15% is not available to every guy. In fact there are entire forums filled with aspiring players who became disillusioned with the results they we’re sold as opposed to the results they actually got in real life.

And I can’t blame guys who are frustrated.

An aspiring player buddy of mine told me he went 0 for 2000 trying to meet women in nightclubs and during the day – not fun.  Chasing down and getting rejected by drunk women for casual sex every night at the club is no way to live. And neither is studying game for years with no results only to see your dumb, good looking friends make tons of dumb mistakes and still smash new girls consistently.

So if you’ve tried fast game, and it’s not working, running provider game might be the right move for you. And that means changing your tactics. Sure provider game will cost you more of your time and money, and it’s not as cool as being a player, but it also comes with some major advantages.

When my aspiring buddy decided to slow down and focus on day game and online he eventually got a cute, sweet girlfriend and last I heard they we’re touring Europe together with the money he made from his online, programming, service-based business – a massive step up from where he was when I met him.

If your SMV isn’t getting you the results you want, the best move might be to go hard for the next 3 years maxing out your attractiveness, game and building up your business. And in that time, you run provider game and screen for a nice, loyal woman within your league who is going to support you in your mission.

That way, instead of chasing down drunk women from the club who don’t value what you bring to the table, you get a loyal woman, have consistent sex, have more time to work on your business as well as learn the crucial relationship management skills that will serve you well later in life.

Not only that, but when you run provider game you can actually get women you couldn’t get if you were running player game and looking for a quick hookup. This is because women value casual sex much less then men do. It’s also significantly easier for women to get casual sex. In fact, nearly any woman can go online and find a guy willing to hook up that very day. Therefore women have the option to screen for guys who often have a higher SMV than they do, guys they might not be able to get into a relationship with, but are able to get for a quick hookup. This is why it’s so difficult for guys with a lower SMV to run player game.

With that said, women place a high value on having a boyfriend, someone who is stable, successful and attentive. If you’re willing to run provider game you can secure a girlfriend who has a higher SMV then what you could have got from trying to run quick provider game. This is especially true as you continue to upgrade your style, fitness, wealth and status. Also, the highest quality women are usually looking for a relationship, and often times are not available for casual sex with anyone, so if quality is important to you, presenting yourself as a potential boyfriend makes sense.

Whether you don’t have the SMV (at least not yet), or you want a more traditional relationship , running provider game is 100% acceptable in my book. Because the key to the playing the game of life is doing what makes you happy. And if being a provider makes you happier, then that’s your move.


If you’ve got the looks and the skills and the disposition, being a player is a fun way to go through life. But it’s not the only way. You also have the option to sell yourself as a provider.

I’ve had a lot of fun as a player but as I get older it might not be the right move for me. A good woman (without legal marriage of course) and a family (with a parenting plan and asset dissolution contract in place of course) are things I’m considering within the next 5 to 7 years (but still leaning towards no).

Because make no mistake, women love providers. Emotional support, money, and stability are more important to women than hot sex with a dirty guy. But the ultimate is to combine both. Most women want a relationship and the guy they are looking for is an alpha male provider. 

If you’re living the player lifestyle, it’s rare that you will lose women to other players, you’ll usually lose women them to providers, guys who are willing to commit and provide for her. Once they’ve given up on getting a commitment from you, they often times go find a guy who will commit because they place such a high value on relationships. You don’t lose a girl to another player because he’s not willing to commit either. Chances are she would just see date both of you at the same time until she finds a guy who is willing to commit.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, and you might have your time wasted more often by wining and dining girls and not getting anywhere….

But running provider game also comes with it’s own advantages, like social acceptance, trust (hopefully), stability and consistent sex. And if provider game is the difference between you being involuntarily celibate and ending up or getting a cute/semi- cute girlfriend, it’s at least an option worth considering. With that said, traditional dating and monogamy does have it’s downsides, and you can read more about those downsides in part 4 of this series.

Just be careful to do your screening homework with every girl and make sure she’s not trying to sell relationship game while she’s living a promiscuous lifestyle, screening is key.

Once you have an idea of the game you want to run, the next move is to learn how to adapt yourself to the situation. Check out part 2 to see exactly how to do that.