How To Develop Your Dating Gameplan Part 1: Player Vs. Provider Game

When it comes to dating, just like everything else in life, your gameplan determines your results. If you present the image of an edgy bad boy looking for fun you get DTF girls. If you present the image of a stable provider you get girls looking for a relationship. It all depends on what you want to get out of the game.

To get what you want out of the game, you need to know your gameplan down to the letter before you even talk to a girl or send her a message online. From what you want out of the relationship, to your timeline to sex, to where you’re going to take her – the better your gameplan is, the better your results will be.

In this five part series we’re going to cover everything you need to know starting with whether to approach girls as a player or a provider.

Player Vs. Provider Game

To develop your gameplan, the first thing you need to determine is whether you’re going to position yourself with women as a player or a provider. In our men’s movement the overwhelming amount of advice is geared toward becoming a player, including the advice on this site.

Player Game

If you want to approach women as a player, you’ve come to the right place and the women section of RLD will serve you well along with these articles:

If you want to be a player, and you have a high sex drive, and you’re not the jealous type, and your SMV is top 15% then that’s your move and I fully recommend approaching girls from that angle.

Provider Game

Unfortunately, I’ve realized something from talking with thousands of men over the last four years: not everyone can be a player.  The truth is ultra-fast-sex-variety game with hot girls is just not available to every guy. At least not with the quality of girls you want a variety of.

The unfortunate truth is, as men we’re always playing from a disadvantaged position in the sexual marketplace, and because women have so many options for easy sex, only the top 15% of guys in their age bracket get quick access to attractive women.

With hard work on building your SMV and fine tuning your game, many guys can make it to poll position. But unfortunately, being top 15% is not available to every guy. In fact there are entire hater forums filled with aspiring players who became disillusioned with the results they we’re sold as opposed to the results they actually got in real life.

And I can’t blame guys who are frustrated.

An aspiring player buddy of mine told me he went 0 for 2000 trying to play fast nightclub and day game, it makes me sick to hear shit like that. No man should have to deal with that kind of garbage.

Chasing down and getting rejected by sloppy 6s every night at the club is no way to live. And neither is studying game for years with no results only to see your dumb, good looking friends make tons of dumb mistakes and still smash new girls consistently.

So if you’ve tried fast game, and it’s not working, running provider game might be the right move for you. And that means changing your tactics. Sure provider game will cost you more of your time and money, and it’s not as cool as being a player, but it also comes with some major advantages.

When my aspiring buddy decided to slow down and focus on day game and online he eventually got a cute, sweet girlfriend and last I heard they we’re touring Europe together with the money he made from his online, programming, service-based business – a massive step up from where he was when I met him.

If your SMV isn’t getting you fast sex, the best move might be to go hard for the next 3 years maxing out your attractiveness, game and building up your business. And in that time, you run provider game and screen for a nice, loyal girl within your league who is going to support you in your mission.

That way, instead of chasing down sloppy drunk girls who don’t value what you bring to the table, you get a loyal girl, consistent sex, have more time to work on your business as well as learn the crucial relationship management skills that will serve you well later in life.

You also have the option to upgrade your girlfriend as your SMV and your cash gets to where you want it to be. You might have been a four to start, but after getting fit, getting your style together, and getting that six figure programming business off the ground, you’re a different animal altogether.

Three years from now, when you show up to the date at a nice restaurant in a nice car (rented), wearing nice clothes, acting confident and can take her back to a nice apartment (rented) downtown, your options just got a lot more appealing.

Not only that, but when you run provider game you can actually get girls slightly outside of your league. Let’s say you’ve taken your raw SMV from a 4 to a 6. But when you add money, and stability and security and masculinity to the equation, you can now pull 7s or even 7.5s for a relationship.

I’ve seen tons of dudes with better looking girlfriends, because women value the fuck out of loyal guys that can take care of them, this is especially true of women who come from a traditional background.

Not the case with a player, as a player you rarely get girls out of your league because the dating pool is so large for a DTF girl that she can easily pull a better looking guy slumming it for an easy lay.

Lastly, even if you have the SMV to be a top 15% guy, you might not want to rack up a bunch of numbers and share your girls with other guys (don’t think for a second she’s not fucking with other guys because your game is that good, unless you’re exclusive she’s always fucking or at the very least talking to other guys).

Whether you don’t have the SMV (at least not yet), or you want a more traditional relationship , running provider game is 100% acceptable in my book. Because the key to the playing the game of life is doing what makes you happy. And if being a provider makes you happier, then that’s your move.


If you’ve got the looks and the skills and the disposition, being a player is a fun way to go through life. But it’s not the only way. You also have the option to sell yourself as a provider.

I’ve had a lot of fun as a player but as I get older it might not be the right move for me. A good woman (without legal marriage of course) and a family (with a parenting plan and asset dissolution contract in place of course) are things I’m considering within the next 5 to 7 years (but still leaning towards no).

Because make no mistake, women love providers. Emotional support, money, and stability are more important to women than hot sex with a dirty guy. But the ultimate is to combine both. An alpha male provider is what every woman fantasises about.

As a player I can tell you this, I rarely lose women to other players, I lose them to providers, guys who are willing to commit and provide for her. Once they’ve given up on manipulating a commitment out of me, they go find a guy who will give it to them.

I know this might not be what you want to hear, and you might have your time wasted more often by wining and dining girls who never end up putting out. But running provider game also comes with it’s own advantages, like social acceptance, trust (hopefully), stability and consistent sex.

I know you might be surprised to hear the case for provider game from me, but I want you to get the best results for your efforts. And if provider game is the difference between you being involuntarily celibate and ending up on a hater forum or getting a cute/semi- cute girlfriend, I say go for it.

Just be careful to do your screening homework with every girl and make sure she’s not trying to sell relationship game to you while she’s out fucking the football team.

Once you have an idea of the game you want to run, the next move is to learn how to adapt yourself to the situation. Check out part 2 to see exactly how to do that.

  1. Hello Will,

    I have been following your articles for a year by now and they are just brilliant. I didnt come across another site with such crystal clear content that points out the real issue men face.

    I wanted to write some comments previously but today the timing was just right as I was planning to see a very hot girl (a 25 year old slut) who wants to have a traditional date with wining and dining in a restaurant. Apparently she doesnt see me purely as “The player”, but I am sure she opens her legs to some guys very easy. I refused her and instead offered to have meet in a bar. She unwillingly accepted, but I think this lowered my chance to get into her panties (Less provider value).

    I have been using online/day game for several years as my main source of pick up and can consistently get a new girl in the range of 6 to 8 once a month or so. That is without much effort, using automatized opening lines then pushing aggressively to closing similar to what you suggest in your “How to get laid on Tinder” book. However, I realized the player game has a hard wall around girls 8/10, at least for me… With 8s sex doesn’t happen more than few times, they push for commitment, if not leave for one who will commit. It is only natural that a girl who is an 8 wants more than just looks. After all, they are definitely in the top 15% of women.

    I also do some weekend travels to countries such as Poland and Czech Republic. Due to being exotic and higher perceived status (coming from Western Europe), I can land 8s and 9s quite easily from online game, but that comes with the travel costs and time. It is also easy to spend a lot just for few days which gives the impression that I am possibly a rich guy. However, this is not a sustainable source of sex as long as I dont live in these countries.

    Therefore, in the country I live (The Netherlands), getting easy sex from girls 8 and above is not so easy for me without commitment or buying them dinners etc. Most of the girls in the Netherlands are not the type you want to be in relation with anyways because of the lack of feminene attributes.

    Lately, I am thinking that red light districts can be an option to consistently get laid with 8s and above so that I can catch my financial goal in shorter time. The quality of the girls there can be quite good with good prices. To give you an idea, it is cheaper to get laid with two 8 or 9s a week, then go travel to Poland once a month and land an 8-9 (flight ticket, private apartment etc.) This way I can get consistent sex from girls 8 and above while giving most of my energy to my business plan. I believe that when I hit my financial goal, I can turn into full player mode and get laid with 9s and occasional 10s.

    What do you think about that option of just paying for it? It is quite easy to do it, so it can be addictive. Actually, it can never be easier than that. Tens of girls to choose from, no flakes, ultra-efficient. However, these girls are there for the money. Do you think it can be detrimental psychologically to my inner game in the long term?

    Thanks for another great article,


  2. Great article RLD and very great valid points. I’m just in disbelief that Mr. RLD himself is considering monogamy in the next 5-7 years it has to be a typo has to be..

  3. Great points Will. Just to add something that your readers might find useful. A lot of guys that are going to try this method have to be aware that wining and dining girls can have its drawbacks. Just to clarify, by wining and dining I mean nice dinners or a semi expensive activity covered by the guy. During the past few months, I have done this with a number of girls I met online and they are happy to indulge for 4-5 dates without putting out and then they either vanished without a trace or they pulled a 180 and told me they actually aren’t interested. My advice to your readers is to be mindful of this and only wine and dine girls who you think are really into you or else it is going to get really expensive and really frustrating really fast.

    Personally I am very conflicted about this. Part of me feels that being a provider might be the way to go but then after these experiences the other half says that maybe just doing drinks/coffee and then an invite back to my place is the right move.

    Any thoughts on the above will be much appreciated. Thanks as always Will.

  4. Thanks Mrod.

    100% agree, there are some major drawbacks, which I covered briefly in this piece and will cover much more extensively in part 3. Now girls are flaky and waste your time whether you’re a player or a provider, however it costs you more time and more money as a provider. That’s just something you have to charge to the game, because any way you shake it, we as men are coming from the sellers position, girls have the luxury of sitting on the other end of phone. It’s shit, but its just one of many areas we as men have to play past to win at the game of life.

    The only thing I can offer is to keep at, and try and screen out for better quality women and for women who don’t seem that into it. If she’s not buying into you by date 3, she’s prob just going to continue to waste your time. But if she’s giving you eye contact, compliments, asking question about you, those are all signs to keep moving forward. Hope that makes sense to you my man.

  5. Haha. Well I’ve had a few monogamous relationships in the last decade but none past the 2.5 year mark. What I’m really considering is having children within 7 years, but so far leaning towards no. My faith in long term monogamy, in this day and age, and for someone like me isn’t good, although I’m entertaining the option. With that said, it would of course never be a legal marriage and my assets and downside would be as protected as humanly possible.

  6. Hey Jack,

    First off thanks so much for the kind word, and second for the great insight and experience you lay out here.

    First off, your experience definitely matches up with mine, I’m prob guessing you’re around the same SMV for your age bracket as I am, 7 – 8.5 in a western country depending on the girl (higher with minorities). And although I’ve never been to Eastern Europe, from what I’ve read your analysis seems spot on. In my experience going from Toronto to Thailand, I feel like I’ve moved up to 8.5 – 9 for my age bracket (24 -34) due to higher status, higher income and rarity (although there are still many traditional thai women who won’t date western guys).

    And I agree with your analysis that travelling for sex is not worth the ROI, my SMV boost is a perk no doubt, but I’m out here primarily for ease/cost of living while I continue to build RLD and the warm weather (compared to brutal Canadian winteres). I wouldn’t be out here just for the girls.

    As for the Netherlands, being one of the worlds strongholds for feminism (which actually promotes masculinism in women) I’m not surprised there aren’t many girls you want to get serious.

    As for your options, the first thing you might want to think about is a permanent move to where you can find feminine women, good weather and a cheap cost of living (if you’re business is online).

    As far as ROI on casual sex, I get where you’re coming from on paying for it and focusing on your business. I can’t say for sure as I’ve never paid for it, but my guess is it’s not all that detrimental. I think it only because detrimental when your only way to relate to women is through hookers (ie guys who’ve never been able to pair bond). It sounds like you’re a succesful and well adjusted guy so I don’t think it would be much of an issue. The only issue I have is with the sugar baby/girlfriend experience guys where they pay a girls rent and car in exchange for her pretending to like you. Paying for sex is one thing but paying for a pretend pair bond is not a good move in my books.

    My advice would be to give it a shot and see how you feel. Let your happiness be your guide. If going to a pro once a week to blow off steam relaxes you and helps you save money and time for your business, and you don’t feel negative about it, I say go for it. If you don’t feel great about it then stick to what you’re doing.

    I’m much more open to the idea then when my identity was tied to being a player with women as opposed to now where I’m a player in the game of life, and ROI/investement and thinking like a businessman is my primary identity.

    Let me know how it goes.

  7. It also depends on where you live. I spent awhile in a very small Alaska town. The male to female ratio was bad. Everyone knows you, and everyone is a fucking gossip. There’s no being a player there.

  8. 100% agree, small town game in almost all cases has to be provider game through social circle/day game, no burning down leads online. You can destroy your rep in a few days in a small town if you don’t play your cards right. The only guy I know running small town player game is tubarao from puazone, he plays alpha to a large social circle, slow plays his hand into polyamory and is discreet, as far as I know. It can work in theory, you just have to position yourself as one of the big guys in the town, and guard your reputation, not just with women, but from jealous guys competing for the few hot girls in the town.

  9. I wrote same question in another of your article but never got help or answer. Gonna try it again since it’s related to this subject. I have meet so many girls and have been on dates these last year until now, I would like to say 5 of 10 I have meet have been DTF and sexually attracted to me but not more than that. Most of them never heard back after the first fuck. And I have been doing all kind stuff like cuddle with the girl after the sex and tell her day after that I had great time. Most of them think I’m attractive guy and so on but they never feel attraction for me like a boyfriend or provider they are very cold towards me.
    My SMV are right now around 5 and I right now working hard on “fitness” and the “shoulder” part on SMV to get up to 7.

    Do you think my failure are due my height since I’m 5’5 without shoes insole?. The life as a short guy are real hard especially in a country like in Sweden that girls are at least 5’9. Yet I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

  10. Spot on.

    You can learn game all you want but the guys who get the most hot pussy in a night club environment are generally tall good looking guys.

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