How To Develop Your Dating Gameplan Part 3: How To Execute Your Gameplan
In part 1 of this series we covered player vs provider game, which gives you the foundation for your dating gameplan and how you’re going to approach women. In part 2 we covered how to adapt your gameplan to the situation at hand.
And now in part 3 of this series we’re going to get into exactly how to execute your gameplan, specifically your timeline to sex based on the three different speeds of game:
Fast Speed Game: 0 – 1 date
Medium Speed Game: 3rd date
Slow Game: 5th date ( I can’t recommend waiting any more than 5 dates)
DISCLAIMER: WHEN SPEAKING ABOUT TIMELINE TO SEX, I’M TALKING ABOUT STRICTLY CONSENSUAL SEX WITH WOMEN, FOLLOWING THE LAWS OF YOUR STATE, AND NOT LYING OR BEING UNETHICAL.
For a fast gameplan, you have to approach as a player, and your SMV (Sexual Market Value) should be at least average, ideally above average. As we covered in part 1, if your SMV is average or below, fast game is not going to yield you the best results, unless your game and confidence is truly exceptional.
As far as situations, your best moves are night game and online (specifically Tinder). I don’t recommend club game for most guys, however for seasoned players with a high SMV, night game is a very good way to pull women quickly.
Night game is good for fast hookups because girls go out to get drunk and hook up with guys (not just dance with their friends like they tell you) and Tinder is good because it’s a known hookup app and girls are on there to hook up (not just looking for friends like they tell you).
Of all the gameplans, a fast gameplan is the most difficult to execute. Women know the value of being sexually available and are easily able to leverage their sexual availability to a guy who is often has one or two points higher SMV.
With that said, don’t be fooled by what women tell you when they say they don’t hook up on the first date. They do, in massive numbers, they just lie about it. And not just promiscuous girls, “good girls” do too.
However, if you’re approaching as a provider, I can guarantee you won’t hook up with 85% of girls on the first date if any. Because girls don’t hook up with regular, provider type guys on the first date. Instead, when they meet a provider selling a relationship (as opposed to a player selling fast sex) she’s likely selling you on her purity and her suitability for a relationship.
The way to execute at a night club is approaching with a lot of confidence ideally with mutual eye contact before you approach (to increase efficiency).
As much as you hear dating coaches talking about winning a girl over, for fast sex girls decide within about 5 seconds of seeing you if you’re attractive enough to hook up with. That’s not to say you don’t have to run good game, but you’ll be able to know within a few seconds whether it’s on or not through her body language (this might take some time to see if you’re not experienced).
Don’t worry about looking for a sign from a girl, the only sign you need to worry about is if she stays there to talk to you without becoming aggressive or disinterested. And if she asks you anything about yourself consider it game on. When you approach confidently, with mutual eye contact, and she doesn’t run away or act rude, you’ve got a shot.
From there it’s about taking her to the dancefloor, working her up, then trying to take her home. Don’t worry about her girlfriends, or bother engaging them, if she wants to come home with you she will convince her friends for you.
If she doesn’t want to come with you, you can pivot to another girl and come back to her at the end of the night, after she’s finished dancing/flirting with other guys and entertaining her girlfriends.
The key to ultra-fast Tinder game is:
Have a sexual profile with great pics, ideally shirtless, sexual pics if you’re in shape
Swiping right on everyone (for increased efficiency and then not messaging women you’re not attracted to)
The more you swipe, and the more first messages you send out, the more effective you’ll be
Send flirty, coy, sexual messages at first (hinting at sexuality without being overt)
Increasing the sexual nature of your messages to screen out non-promiscuous women
Inviting her to to a coffee date within 10 minutes of your place or inviting her to come straight over (some women will actually come straight over)
Being careful and polite in your messaging to avoid anything that could be seen as harassment or get you banned from Tinder
A medium speed gameplan is the best approach if you have average SMV and are positioning yourself as a player. It’s also a viable option if you’re approaching as a provider, 3 dates is pretty much the standard timeline to initimacy for most women.
A medium term gameplan is a great move for finding a new MLTR (multiple long term relationship) or even a potential girlfriend. Despite the fact I almost always ask a girl home after the first date, I realize that being that forward will put some women off seeing me again.
When you aim for 3 dates, it gives you the ability to get girls who are put off by fast game. When you run fast game many girls think: “he’s a player and just wants sex and doesn’t see me as a special snowflake/I’m not the kind of girl who hooks up on the first date”.
Also, if your pool of prospects isn’t huge or you’re inexperienced and not comfortable asking her home, the right move might be to take your time and play “safer” game and aim for a third date lay.
However there are two major downsides to playing medium term game:
1) If you’re screening for a potential girlfriend, the best promiscuity test is whether she’ll come home with you on the first date. When you wait it makes it harder to tell what kind of girl she is.
2) You might actually lose some girls by not striking when the iron is hot and you approach as a player. This doesn’t apply when you approach as a provider, but when a woman knows you’re a player, she might get attracted enough to come home with you on the first date, but if you don’t go for the pull, her logical brain might kick in the next day and she might stop responding to you.
For a medium gameplan day game, online (specifically Ok Cupid) and social circle are your best moves. I’ve met a lot of quality MLTRs, FBs and even a girlfriend from OK Cupid and day game.
As opposed to fast game, medium term game is more of a conversion move. This works well for two reasons:
As we already covered, you can convert girls who aren’t comfortable f*cking on the first date or with guys who run fast aggressive game
You can convert girls who aren’t super attracted to you off the bat. To f*ck a girl within hours of meeting her she really has to be into you. If a girl is just somewhat into you, 3 dates of being exposed to your masculinity, confidence and charm can get her attracted enough to f*ck you. Attraction can’t be created (SMV is the limiting factor) but it can most definitely be amplified by your sexual salesmanship.
Day game, in my opinion, of all the styles of cold approach dating has the highest quality of women. You just can’t find the quality of women online or at a club that you can during the day (hint, quality women aren’t at a nightclub at 3 AM on a Wednesday night).
The way to execute is simple, meet a girl, talk to her for a few minutes, get her number and book a coffee date. Then follow that up with maybe drinks and a third date for dinner if she’s showing strong signs of interest, then pull her back to your place.
Tinder/Bumble (Or Whatever Apps Are Hot At The Time Of You Reading This)
A simple: “Hey username, you seem like someone I’d like to get to know better, how’s your day going” is good enough. Online messaging style is highly overrated, 90% of your results are going to come from having great pictures. The best pictures for conversion game are suited up/cool, casual clothes,in afternoon natural light, with a DLSR, or pics taken by a professional photographer.
The move is to send 3-5 messages of chill small talk or flirty banter if she’s biting, then book a date within a week, ideally within 3 days, anything longer than that and she’ll flake. Any girl who stops responding, cancels, flakes, asks to reschedule or asks for a last-minute venue change should be dropped like a hot potato. From literally messaging with thousands of girls, I can tell you your chances of hooking up with a girl who does any of the above is no more than 1%.
Once she agrees to the date, run the same game as outlined in the day game section above.
If you have a decent sized circle, it’s one of the best ways to get women. As long as you’re positioned as the alpha or at the least a top lieutenant, you’re good to go. All you have to do is wait for girls to make themselves available to you at parties.
You’ll be able to tell through:
Her proximity to you
Whether she stays to talk to you or moves on to someone else
If her friends or your friends tell you (If your buddies girlfriend likes you, she’ll be more than happy to set you up with her single friends)
Hardcore game in social circle is not necessary and many times counterproductive. All you have to do is be cool and talk to the girls who are interested in you. Running aggressive game is not the right move, because there are social consequence for failure. Ideally you should never get rejected in your social circle, because there is no reason to pull the trigger until you’re sure it’s game on.
Once you’re sure it’s on, take her to a quiet part of the room and discreetly get her number. Then run the same 3 date gameplan as outlined above. Just make sure that if you want to end things that you do it like a gentleman to preserve your status with that group of girls (allowing you to possibly take a shot at the other girls in the group).
Day game and social circle are your best moves for slow term sex (ideally for finding a girlfriend). Day game, as we covered above is a great way to meet quality women and so is your social circle, if you choose to keep a social circle of high quality people (which is the only kind of social circle you should have).
If you’re running pure provider game, a 5 date gameplan of wining, dining and charming might be the right move for you. Some guys look down on this type of game, and it certainly has its downside, but there’s one thing that can’t be denied – it’s effective.
Traditional dating is still effective and always will be. Now, that’s not to say it doesn’t come with a lot of downsides:
Waiting a long time for sex
Spending much more money than player game
Getting your time wasted more often (and used for free meals)
The risk of getting sold purity by a promiscuous girl
The above are all serious downsides. However the upside is that money, stability, the ability to provide and offer emotional support are massively valued by women. And as I said in part 1, you are competing with players, if you can’t compete in terms of raw SMV, you can compete in terms of what you bring to the table. And again as I we covered in part 1, players don’t lose girls to other players, they lose them to providers.
With that said, if you are going to run 5 date provider game, it’s crucial to screen properly to reduce the chance of the above downsides from happening to you.
It’s not common, but there are still some rare women who won’t have sex before the fifth date, and some won’t even have sex outside of relationship. I know better than to believe in female purity, but I do believe in self-restraint, some women just prefer to only have sex with guys they feel a strong emotional connection to.
That’s not to say they don’t want to f*ck sexy, bad boys on the first date, they do, they just choose not to. They just prefer not to separate sex from love. And in my old age I’m starting to feel the same way, casual sex has less appeal for me these days.
Also, studies show that the fewer partners a woman has the stronger she pair bonds with the guys she does have sex with, this is another major plus in a potential girlfriend.
The other reason self-restraint is so important is that I know if she can resist a slick talking player like me then there is a much higher probability that she’ll be able to resist the other slick talking players that come along if I choose to get monogamous with her.
A girl with self-restraint, who saves sex for pair bonding is the one you want for a girlfriend. It’s not that promiscuous women are bad human beings, they’re just not good for a monogamous relationships (the more promiscuous she is, the more likely she’ll cheat).
If I’m going to give my heart and my time and my resources to a woman, I want to maximize the probability that my loyalty will be returned.
The ideal woman for slow provider game is going to be traditional, shy, happy, family oriented, conservative and often times religious. These girls however are very rare, only two women have made me wait to the fifth date, one was a virgin and one was my ex-girlfriend.
With that said, you’ll find some women, mostly in religious communities, who don’t have sex before monogamy or even before marriage. For the vast majority of guys I can’t recommend waiting until marriage to have sex as sex is the basis of all romantic relationships.
The only guys who should play that card are strict, traditional, religious guys who are dating women of the same mindset. If you’re a traditional Mormon guy, looking for a traditional Mormon girl, then waiting until marriage might be the only card you can play. For everyone else, it’s five dates at the maximum or find a new girl.
As far as execution goes, you just extend the medium term gameplan another two dates. Now that’s not to say you can’t try to pull on the third night, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. Or you can aim for a 3 date gameplan but allow for the option of 5 dates if you’re really into you and you think she’s exceptional.
At 34 my gameplan is still mostly player game but I’ve added a lot more of a provider vibe when dealing with a quality woman. Now, women still see me coming a mile away as a player, I couldn’t hide that if I want to, but by being warm, nice and considerate I also allow them to see me as a potential boyfriend.
When a woman tests me on my player frame, I tell them I do what I want when I’m single, but when I have a girlfriend I try to be the best boyfriend I can. This seems to satisfy most women, and more importantly, it’s the truth.
As far as execution goes, I will almost always ask a girl to go home on the first date. First because I want sex, second to test her for promiscuity, and third to show her that I’m a man with balls. For exceptional women I’m happy to wait 3 to 5 dates.
I will occasionally try to pull a girl home for casual, fast sex that I’m not into but this is become rarer and rarer these days. I’m usually only interested in two gameplans:
Polyamorous, which is one step above casual sex and one step below a girlfriend. Basically a girl to see once a week for sex, ice cream, cuddling, watching movies and maybe a motorbike ride or dinner (*NOTE: I’m NOT talking about an open relationship, open relationships are not for me)
A girlfriend, this is rare though, it takes on average about 3 years to find a girlfriend, and even then I’m not sure if I’ll commit to monogamy again.
My default setup is to aim for 2 to 3 girls I care about, that I see once a week to keep attraction high (and neediness low), who I have some feelings for, to hang out, cuddle, have sex, watch movies, and go for dinner with.
Occasionally I’ll convert one my MLTRs into a girlfriend, but this doesn’t happen often. Most MLTRs I know off the bat will never be converted to girlfriends, but with the ones that have potential, I’ll be screening them from day one. With that said, it usually takes me about six months to make the decision of whether she’s right for me or not – I take giving my heart to someone very seriously and you should too.
Now you know whether to run player vs. provider game, how to adapt your game to the situation and execute your gameplan. All you have to do is follow the template and reap the rewards.
In part 4, the final installment of this series, we’re going to cover the five types of relationships to aim for, how to set them up as well as the pros and cons to each type of relationship.