And don’t worry, that’s how everyone started, you don’t come out of the womb being cool – unless you’re Keith Richards.
Once you’ve got yourself together, you need to start adding value. In school, adding value comes from:
Being cool and friendly to everyone
Knowing hot girls
Knowing cool guys
Knowing where the party is that weekend
Making sure you’re never a social liability
Playing For It
The best move is to either start your own crew or join the best crew you can find. If the jocks run your school, and you can’t play football for sh*t, then you don’t have a prayer.
But maybe the drama kids who know all the hot wannabe actresses might let you come in at a good position (that’s why I took drama class). Whatever the move is it has to be realistic.
If you’re already in a good crew you can stay there. Just don’t expect to be able to move up into a leadership role. Positions are almost always solidifed within the first few months of hanging out together and the alpha in your crew isn’t going to let you come up.
That’s why it’s very important, when you transfer to a new school, or for your first few months of college, to go hard at getting the best position you can. Because after that it’s going to be an uphill battle to get up to where you want to be.
How you play out school is up to you. The move is either stay where you are (if things are going well), start your own crew or aim to move to a different crew. Sometimes the move is being the leader of a lesser crew or sometimes the move is being a lieutenant of a better crew.
The only thing you can’t accept is being the low man on the totem pole. You can take a lieutenant position but you can’t take a grunt position.
Even if you’re running with the top dogs in your school, if you’re the guy who gets sh*t on by everyone in your crew, the smart move is to downgrade to a less popular crew where at least you’re respected. It doesn’t matter how popular your guys are, if you’re not getting respected, you’re not going to be happy.
Outside of high school, you can choose to have a crew or become a lone wolf. Having a crew is not nearly as crucial once you get outside of the school fishbowl. It’s an option, but maintaining a big social circle takes a lot of time away from kicking ass at life and getting girls.
In high school I wasn’t the man I am now. I had some of the skills, but I didn’t have the total confidence it takes to be a leader. So in grade 9 I aligned myself with a natural alpha I went to middle school with as his lieutenant.
We weren’t great friends in middle school, but we stuck together like glue because we didn’t know anyone and we both wanted to be popular.
I started recruiting guys and so did he. Eventually we put together a decent crew and got to know some girls. As time went on we got to know more girls and started throwing house parties at my buddies huge house in Lawrence Park (knowing a guy with a house party spot is crucial).
By the end of our final year we ran the school because we kept moving up while most of the other popular guys got kicked out or left because they were too dumb to hack it at our academic high school.
Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to be the man, but lieutenant to a more popular guy was the best position I could put together at the time. A takeover of my crew wasn’t possible and jumping ship would have been a mistake. With that said, high school was a fun time for me so it was definitely the right move.
Once high school ended and I dropped out of college I started to pick girls up off the street. At that point I recognized I didn’t need a large crew anymore. House parties we’re dead and all the guys I went to school with seemed to be in a holding pattern so I said goodbye to my high school crew and moved on to bigger and better.
I switched my focus to cold approach pickup and getting position in business, starting with trading, then sales, then a string of failures, then RLD. The only guys I kept in touch with we’re my boys from junior school. My social circle was having the guys over every week to play cards and shoot the sh*t.
Great guys, no disrepect and never any drama. Outside of going out for beers occasionally with my collegues, that was the extent of my social circle from my mid 20’s until my early 30’s. The vast majority of my time I spent on business or with girls.
When I got out to Asia I set up another crew within a week. Within a month we got 80 people to come out to a party we threw. I was having such a great time enjoying my hard earned freedom that I thought I could throw parties and do RLD at the same time. I was wrong.
I’m too old to be staying out late three nights a week, and my social network was taking way too much time away from my business, so I had to drop the social circle and refocus on business.
My social circle now is hanging out with a couple guys once a week and having a girl over once or twice a week – the rest of the time I’m all about getting sh*t done.
The more value you can add, the better quality of women you’ll get.
Playing For It
You might be doing well with women, or maybe you’re a virgin. It doesn’t matter where you are, what matters is that you’re playing the game to the best of your abilities. You might get easy success with women right off the bat or you might struggle.
If you’re struggling right now, that’s ok, because it means at least you’re trying. Just remember, the idea isn’t to become the world’s biggest superstud, it’s about playing the hell out of the hand you’re dealt.
You might have the programming skills to kill it in the business world but not the raw genetic material to become a top 1% player, and that’s 100% OK. We all have different skill sets. I’m pretty good at picking up women but I couldn’t program a microwave.
The move is to play as hard as you can and not get upset over what some other guy can do. I see so many of these guys on the hater forums whining about not being able to get girls – but whining does absolutely nothing for you except make you feel bad about yourself.
And I’d bet my business that none of those guys haven given dating 110% of their efforts.
If you’re 18-35, willing to give 110% at building up your body, dressing well, sharpening your game and playing the numbers, I’m confident that that you can at least get a cute/semi-cute girlfriend. It might take you three years of solid work, depending on where you’re starting from, but it can be done.
You might never be able to become a superstud but that doesn’t matter, because you’re not playing someone else’s hand, you’re playing your hand. And don’t worry, being a superstud is overrated anyways. Your best moments in the game will come from that cute, sweet, loyal girlfriend.
It’s important to play hard with women, just don’t make the misstake of making women your primary priority. 18-35 is the time to build up your business. You can have a lot of fun with women, just make sure that taking care of business is priority number 1.
I always did alright with girls but I wasn’t quite a natural, I was more of a semi-natural. I had the instinct to be popular, dress well and run a bit of game, but the raw confidence didn’t come to me until my 20’s.
But once I started to approach girls, study game, give 100% in the gym and really put in work, I started to get serious results. And with those results came confidence.
And that confidence in turn got me better results. I played my hand to the fullest and had a great time in my wild 20’s which left me with a lot of options in my 30’s. With that said, I should have spent more time on business and less time on women. T
These days however I’m making up for lost time. I’m not all that active in the game because I’m playing all out for position in business.
Adding Value: Adding value to your clients through excellent client service
Playing For It: Starting that damn business instead of just talking about it
The best way to get position in business is by starting a service business. Product based businesses are really tough, especially on your first time out.
With the exception of myself, every guy I know who has his own business has a service business.
I have a product business, but RLD was built on top of four failures, a unique skillset and moving halfway across the world to make it happen – not a path I’d recommend to most guys.
Service businesses have the highest sucess rate because you have no overhead, no inventory, and a proven market. Yes you won’t make millions, and yes they don’t scale well, but you also won’t spend seven years of your prime failing in business (not fun).
You also don’t need to have employees, which is a good thing, because 90% of business stress comes from managing your employees.
Position doesn’t mean you need to tell a bunch of people what to do. It means that no one tells you what to do. You can have employees, but your life will be a lot easier and a lot less expensive without them.
With that said, I’m not saying you can’t take a shot at the big time like I did when I took a shot at a tech business. If you’ve got a Mark Zuckerberg IQ then don’t let me stop you, just recognize that for most guys, the odds are not in just not in your favor.
The failure rate of a new business is 90% and in tech I’d bet that’s closer to 99%. The killers are overhead, an unproven market, inventory, R&D costs, partner problems and about a million other things.
With that said, you might not be ready, mentally or financially, to start your own business. That means you’re going to have to be a good little employee just like I was until you have the means to get free.
To be able to bank 2k a month and get the money you need, you’re going to have to get a job that pays 70K plus a year.
If you have the brain and credentials for IT, programming or accounting, I strongly recommend getting hired in those fields. If not, I recommend a sales job. Sales is hell, but it pays well (because no one else wants to do it).
3 years in sales, making 65 to 120K, assuming you’re living cheap and banking cash, will give you a nice big cushion for your business.
Build your business on the side until you’re making consistent money
Go all in on your business and tell your boss to stick that job straight up his candy ass.
Make no mistake those years will be hell, but that’s the price to pay for your freedom.
The way to add value in business is to provide valuable services. You do that by finding a vertical with a proven path to six figures (or the developing world equivalent), become an expert on your market, sell your ass off, and service the hell out of your clients.
You’re not reinventing the wheel, you’re taking a proven model for success and outworking and outservicing your competitors – that’s it.
Some offline examples are:
High Performance/Entrepreneurial Coaching
Some online examples are:
Life Coaching For Entrepreneurs (two guys I know are making six figures doing this)
Playing For It
Of the three areas, business is by far the hardest to get position in. That’s why you have to play harder in business then you do in the other areas. Because you’re not supposed to get position in business.
You’ve been trained since first grade to take orders. You’re supposed to work an unfulfilling corporate job. The system is built on company men.
Make no mistake, getting position in business is hard work. And the truth is, most guys won’t be willing to make the sacrifices to make it happen. And they won’t be willing to handle the stress of providing for themselves.
But again, I dont write for most guys I only write for guys with a top 1% mentality. Guys who have that fire inside them to be a leader – that can’t be taught.
But just by getting out there and playing for it, you put yourself ahead of the 99% of guys who never try. All you have to do is follow the formula, play hard every day and not give up.
With that said, occasionally an opportunity presents itself to upgrade your lifestyle by playing a passive position to an influencer. If you’re a young man and you find an older guy who’s willing to mentor you, playing the role of protege might be the right move.
At 34, and with a good idea how to run my business, it’s unlikely that I’d take on the role of protege to anyone unless that role came with what I considered to be massive value.
However, if ultra-succesful, multimillionaire blogger Tim Ferriss wanted to help me take my blog to the next level, I would take on the role of deferential student in a heartbeat. Yes sir, no sir would be my attitude.
I’d make Tim’s happiness my absolute top priority in exchange for his knowledge and connections. And there’s not a chance in hell I’d ruin an opportunity like that by trying to “outalpha” someone who is much more succesful than me in my field.
If you get lucky enough to find a legit mentor, hold on to that relationship for dear life and make it your number one priority.
Getting position in business for me took me a long time. My problem was innacurate thinking. I paid for it with four business failures that cost me my time, money and sometimes my sanity.
It wasn’t until I transitioned from delusional positivity to realistic positivity that things turned around for me. Recognizing my limitations, putting in the necessary work and setting realistic targets we’re all crucial areas of my development.
Not playing hard enough also cost me dearly. I made a small fortune from day trading by 23. If I’d been thinking accurately and playing to win I could have lived without ever working a corporate job again. Instead I half assed on execution, and frittered the money away on girls, toys and living expenses.
My punishment was having to spend nearly a decade in the trenches of corporate sales before I got out for good. I’m telling you my brother, this sh*t is no joke. You only get one shot at life and you have to play to win or suffer the consequences.
Eventually I found my mission in RLD because I was willing to do whatever it takes. Whether it was working for years without making money, giving up my anonymity or moving halfway across the world.
Giving another decade of my life to a corporation was not an option, and RLD wasn’t making enough to live well in Canada. So Thailand became the move.
I saw it as the only option: live like a king in a cheap country and work full time on replacing my six figure slave income with passive online income.
My friends and family saw it as insanity. I didn’t care though, I figured the worst that could happen was that I’d die in a third world gutter, but that sounded better to me than another decade of corporate sales. Because that’s how hard I was willing to play.
If you want position in business, you need to get serious. You can’t just have the mentality to want to start a business or want to succeed, it has to be do or die. If flying halfway across the world to live in a foreign country is what you need to do, then that’s what you need to do.
If you want to be the man you have to play for it. “Being alpha” is important, but those instincts need to be restrained just as much as they need to be indulged.
Success in the modern world is not about brute force dominance, it’s about using your brain and finding the smart move to play at all times.
It won’t always be easy, but it’s not supposed to be easy. The system is not designed for you to get ahead.
You’re not supposed to be popular. You’re supposed to be a good little boy who listens to his teachers and his parents.
You’re not supposed to attract a lot of women. You’re supposed to have a lukewarm lifetime relationship.
And you’re definitely not supposed to own your own business. Imagine a system where everyone was self-sufficient, who would be there to sweep the skyscrapers.
You’re not supposed to have position at all. Because winning is unnatural. The system is not designed for everyone to win, not even close. If you want to win you have to play hard. And when you do, you’d be shocked at how good your life can be.
You can be a leader, find a great woman (or women) and you can live without anyone telling you what to do. It’s a beautiful thing. And the good news is, just by being a player in the game of life, you put yourself ahead of 99% of guys. 99% of guys aren’t even in the game.
Just follow follow the formula and make it happen.