The best way to get what you want is to give people what they want – also known as adding value.
When you wake up every day to add value you’ll find soon enough that you’re living the life you want.
The way to add value when you’re communicating with someone is to remember the 5 A’s:
The truth is, everyone hates being disagreed with, and the more disagreeable you are the less people will like you.
You can feel free to disagree with that statement, but you’d be smarter to keep it to yourself.
Everything is state…
Clients want to give you money because you make them feel good.
Girls want to f@$k you because you make them feel good.
Guys want to be your friend because make them feel good.
Because everyone does everything to feel good, whether they know it or not.
People want to know that you value their ideas, approve of their life choices and care about them as a person…
That you’re on the same, not competing with them.
It’s true that life is one part combat one part cooperation, but save the combat for your competitors in business, not for your friends, clients and girls. When it comes to your people you want to be lifting everyone up around you. You win the argument by not having one in the first place.
You don’t need to run “dread” game on girls, or “dark triad” game on girls to keep them around, you just need to outshine everyone else in your life.
You do that by being masculine and confident on one hand, but on the other hand you can speak to her in the language of emotions through agreement, amplification of what you agree with, giving her your attention, approving of her as a person, and being affectionate. When you combine those aspects, and show her a great time every time she’s with you, and give her great sex, and never start drama, you’ll outshine every other guy in her life.
Now I’m not telling you to lie about what you agree with, I’m telling you to focus on what you agree with in another person’s communication and amplify that as a way to show love.
For example, if your client tells you that they spent all weekend on a fishing trip, and you go ahead and tell them how boring that sounds, and question them on how they could possibly find a fishing trip fun, you could easily find yourself losing that client, it truly can happen that fast.
One of the reasons I talk so much about rapport is that I used to make 100% of my income as a salesman on getting clients to buy in to me and my products, and I noticed that breaking rapport even once put my deals in jeopardy.
Most people don’t realize how damaging being disagreeable is because theyir income is not directly dependent on it. But you will see every top tier sales trainer make a point of making sure they’re clients master rapport, it’s that crucial to closing a deal. No one wants to buy from a disagreeable douche, and if the guy next door is selling the same product, and they like him and don’t like you, he’s going to get your business, even if he charges a bit more.
People don’t value you for your “constructive criticism” or for playing “devil’s advocate” or for your unsolicited contradictory feedback, they value you for how you make them feel. And once I truly recognized that, it massively improved my relationships, because I realized I didn’t have to prove how smart I was, and that aggressively trying to prove my intelligence was actually dumb
Once I started to make a concerted effort to avoid disagreeing with my mom our relationship got better.
Once I mastered agreement and amplification in business I started making a lot more money in sales.
Once I decided to put effort into showing my friends attention, approval and affection my friendships got better.
Once I started using the 5 A’s with women my relationships with women got better, in fact my relationships with women probably improved the most, because a woman’s first language is emotion not logic, and comfort, rapport and tonality are extremely important to them.
And the best part about the 5 A’s is that they don’t cost you a dollar, in fact the 5 A’s make you money, not only that but they make you and the people around you happier, this applies all the way down to your security guard and the checkout girl at the super market.
With that said, there will be times when you need to disagree with someone, but they’re probably less often then you think, and there is a way to deliver criticism without offending people.
First you make a point to only criticize the action, secondly you soften your tone when criticizing the action, and third you sandwich the criticism between praise. Praise at first, followed by asking them if they could change an action or pattern in the future, followed by more praise and appreciation. The bible on the subject is Dale Carnegie’s masterpiece How To Win Friends And Influence People.
Also, when disagreeing with someone, ideally you do it in private, not in public. Some situations where you might need to disagree with someone is on business decisions, or joint decisions that affect your future, or in terms of managing client expectations or correcting your clients future actions.
As a Peak Performance Coach, it’s sometimes my job to disagree with a client when I think they’re doing something that will hurt their best interests, or when they committed to something but didn’t follow through, in fact it’s a large part of why they’re paying me.
But I always make a point of delivering that criticism gently, only criticizing the action, and making sure I congratulate them on what they did right first, and reassure them of what they’re doing right after. That way my clients always no that I’m on their team, and they can continue to feel safe talking to me, and we can go right back into rapport.
Occasionally you’ll find that you can’t come to a resolution with someone, and it’s as simple as asking them if you can just agree to disagree, which if they accept puts you right back into rapport. If they don’t accept, you have to consider if it’s worth having someone that disagreeable in your life.
Because screening for the right people in your life is crucial. With the right people in your life you’ll rarely have to disagree with them and they’ll rarely have to disagree with you. And you’ll find arguments and drama are mostly a thing of the past.
The only time you may need to get harsh with someone is if they’re directly and intentionally disrespecting you, especially in public. Being agreeable, and gently correcting people has it’s limits, and sometimes you need to put people in their place. But it’s about walking softly, carrying a big stick, but trying hard not to have to use that stick.
And in cases of disrespect, it’s important to debrief the situation and figure out how you got there and how to avoid it in the future, which is usually going to be removing that person from your life. Because you’ll usually find that positive and happy people are easy to be around, and those are the kind of people you should surround yourself with.
In general though, when you you follow the 5 A’s, minimize disagreement and break rapport gently but only when necessary, you’ll be happier, more successful, have better relationships, and have little to no drama in your life – it’s a win for everyone involved.
Lastly you want my help implementing the 5 A’s, and putting your social skills on steroids, feel free to check my peak performance coaching program.