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How To Get What You Want By Giving Up Being Right

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In the game of life you either play or you get played.

There is no sitting on the sidelines.

I’d rather play and play to win.

The metric for defining a win is joy and he who has the most joy wins.

And when joy isn’t available, which it often isn’t, you can at least play for the best state available at that time.

Consistent living in the best available state is the name of the game.

Designing a lifestyle where you live your ideal day as much as possible is the move.

But to get there you need to understand the game.

And the game of life is not fair or reasonable.

Some people are born starving, stick or with terrible handicaps.

And some people are born fed, healthy, attractive and wealthy.

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.

I don’t like it anymore than you do, but it’s the truth.

I’d love for everyone on this planet to be happy, healthy, attractive and wealthy.

But this is not reality.

The game of life is not fair or reasonable.

You might have been dealt a great deck of cards or a 2-7 offsuit.

But either way you want to cut it, you need to play your cards to the best of your abilities.

Because it’s not about deserve.

Au contraire mon frere.

Everyone on this planet deserves to be happy, healthy and wealthy.

But that’s not the game of life.

It’s not about deserve, in fact it’s better for you to take deserve out of your vocabulary entirely.

Because deserve is predicated on what should happen if life was fair and reasonable.

But life is not fair and reasonable.

To get what you want in the game of life you need to earn it.

And that means you have to play for it.

And this is especially true with people, you can’t get what you want with should and deserve.

Because persuading with should and deserve is persuading with shame and guilt.

And shame and guilt are the lowest level of persuasion.

As long as you think the world owes you something, your game will suffer.

Because being owed is about being right.

And being right is assuming the world is reasonable and fair.

But the world and the people in it are neither reasonable nor fair.

That means you need to give up being right.

And you need to forget about should and deserve.

Especially when it comes to people, because other people act in their self-interest.

Therefore to get what you want from other people your purpose has to play to that.

And playing to other people’s self-interest is about adding value.

It’s about playing for what you want and influencing that person through persuasion…

Persuasion within ethical boundaries.

Because ethics is important, not just for your happiness but for the value you can add.

Just because the world isn’t fair doesn’t mean you can’t treat other people fairly.

Because when you do you become a light unto the world.

When you can speak to someone’s self-interest through adding value and being fair with them…

You become a special kind of man.

You become a man that other people want to be around and do business with.

You become a leader of men.

And that logic applies to everyone potential situation in your game of life.

If an employee or contractor makes an obvious mistake.

A mistake you would never make.

A mistake that you’ve corrected them on time and time again…

Getting angry and using shame and guilt is playing the wrong card.  i

People respond to persuasion through self-interest.

When you get angry it means you’re not playing at the highest level you can be.

It means you’re still caught up in being right.

It means you’re still caught up in thinking about what you deserve.

It means you expect your employee or contractor to be playing at the same level as you are.

But the reality is, if they were, they probably wouldn’t be working for you.

Instead, the smart move is to accept reality, pull them to the side and gently correct their mistake.

Because that’s what’s in your best interest.

If you have to sacrifice being right to get the behavior you want, then do it.

And get used to it, because you’re going to have to do it often.

Success is about playing the right card, it’s not about what’s right or what you deserve.

It’s doing whatever needs to be done, within ethical boundaries, to get what you want.

And when you do that, you create win/win scenarios for you and your people.

If a client needs you to eat a mistake that wasn’t 100% your fault, you do it.

You forget about being right.

The back office might have messed up the order for the 100th time.

And for the 100th time you’re facing an upset client for someone else’s mistake…

But you still take total responsibility because it’s the right move.

When you try to pass the buck,your client will not only get more upset…

Not only that, but they won’t trust you with their business in the future.

Because they can’t trust you when you admit that giving them good service is out of your control.

Remember, the world is not fair and reasonable.

Therefore expecting it to be will only cause you frustration.

And needing to be right will cost you a lot of potential wins.

The world is not reasonable, and therefore being right is not the right attitude.

So forget about trying to be right, all the time.

Instead focus on being effective at getting what you want.

When you do, it opens up so many new possibilities for turning situations to your advantage.

And it doesn’t even cost you a dollar.

The truth is being petty and having to be right is weak game.

Boss player game is about doing what needs to be done to get what you want.

When you truly internalize this principle, you will make massive progress in your game.

Because the world is not reasonable.

Therefore, as George Bernard Shaw says…

“All progress is made by the unreasonable man.”


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2 Comments

  1. May 4, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    Hi,

    Thanks. This one article has changed my attitude.

    Example: one of my recurring music gigs was cancelled this month and next by the client. I would usually rage up and progress with the high-handed attitude that I can quit for good to show them I don’t like being messed around. Instead I rang and was genuinely happy to work with them on this in their best interests. It’s exactly what you say about forgetting being right. We all came away happier and even spoke about additional opportunities.

    Thanks again.

  2. May 5, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Thanks Sam, great stuff

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