Most people focus on what they want instead of what makes them happy. We grow up with these imprints in our minds: money, girls, success, being fit…
And the truth is having those things does make it easier to be happier. And a lot of my site is devoted to getting you to succeed in those areas.
But money doesn’t make you happy in an of itself.
Women don’t make you happy in and of themselves.
Being jacked doesn’t make you happy in and of itself.
It’s a state, and in fact it’s the same emotion as love.
A cheeseburger makes you happy in the moment because you love that cheeseburger.
Your girlfriend makes you happy in the moment because you love her.
Success makes you happy in the moment because you love people seeing you as a winner.
But that’s the key, happiness is something that comes from within.
You just choose to ascribe happiness to certain things.
And therefore, your happiness is where you should start.
But a lot of guys lose the forest for the trees.
And live to chase things, and they aren’t happy chasing them, and they aren’t happy getting them.
Because they haven’t cultivated the skill of happiness.
And often times because the lifestyle that they’re trying to live doesn’t actually make them happy in reality.
That’s why you have to align your wants with what actually makes you happy.
Align your wants to creating your ideal lifestyle.
Where you’re living your ideal day as much as possible.
Not waking up every day chasing a Ferrari that you think will finally make you feel fulfilled.
For me I’m happy when.
- I wake up early
- I take my supplements and eat clean
- I exercise and do Yoga
- I have minimal tension in my body
- I look fit and stylish
- I do work that I love, like making videos, products, and coaching
- I help people through my mission and receive validation for my efforts
- I work around guys who have great energy
- I handle all my tasks for that day
- I have a girl that I love in my life
- I have deep bonding tantric/karezza style sex with my girl
- I live in a sunny, peaceful climate
- I have a high income and a solid safety net through saving
- I comfortably in a nice place
- I go to nice restaurants and venues with my friends
- I ride my motorbike up the mountains in the sunshine
- I listen to music that I love
- I have the time to read articles and books that interest me
- I watch positive, motivating media
- I have a good relationship with my mom
- I amplify positive thoughts and minimize negative thoughts
- I visualize the great future I’m going to have through fulfilling my mission
I’m also willing to bet, that most, if not all of those things would make you happy. And notice, most of those things don’t cost money or don’t cost much money. And that’s just a small list. You might like to play guitar, or play with your dog, or go fishing or any other number of activities. The important thing is you:
- Be mindful and aware of what actually makes you happy (not what the media sells you)
- Align what you want in life with what actually makes you happy
- Structure your life around your ideal day and live that as often as you can
I had a conversation with a friend once whose idea of a good time was a trip to Vegas with the boys. I get it, part of the cultural narrative for young guys is a trip to Vegas where you booze it up, gamble and get women. You see it in movies, TV and in magazines.
The reality however, at least for me is much different. For me a Vegas trip means:
- A few days of planning, taking time away from mission
- Making sure I have all my papers in
- Spending $5,000 with nothing to show for it afterwards
- Sitting and waiting in the airport
- A 24 hour Transatlantic flight where my back hurts and there’s a crying baby
- Having to go through immigration where I have to take off my shoes like a common criminal
- Drinking all weekend and eating badly
- Ejaculating too much with girls I don’t care about
- Gambling and mostly likely losing money, adding to the $5,000 I already dropped
- Sleeping in late and skipping the gym
- Leaving Vegas hungover, with my energy and bank account drained
- Taking another 24 hour transatlantic flight where I can’t move and my back is killing me
- Coming back home and having to catch up on work
- Taking a few days to get my sleep schedule back to normal
- Taking a week to get my energy level normal
If a Vegas trip with your boys is your dream, I don’t mean to sh*% on it, but I know for me, that would be my exact reality. Because I know myself and my wants are aligned with my happiness. And if I wanted some fun with the boys, I’d hop on a 2 hour, $50 flight from Chiang Mai to Bangkok. rent and AirBNB for a few weeks, work and exercise during the day, and go out with they guys a few hours at night. I’d be able to do that with barely a dip in energy, spending much less money, and keeping 90% of the daily routine that makes me happy in check.
With that said, you need to recognize what makes you happy and align your wants accordingly. If you’re chasing girls, and drugs, and Louis Vuitton, and fast food and all the things you think you want, and it’s not making you happy…
You need to sit down and figure out what does and align your wants accordingly. Because you can’t get to being happy if you don’t know where you’re going. When you find what makes you happy, picture how you would create a life around that and start building it.
It’s that simple. Unfortunately most people in the world won’t hear this message. And they’ll continue to be unhappy chasing things they think they want. If people put happiness as they’re primary priority, and aligned their wants accordingly, there would be no wars, no rape, no torture, no murder and no robberies.
Notice how committing crimes isn’t on my list of things that make me happy, and it’s probably not on your list either. Criminals are the least consistently happy people. Because when you sit down and look at it, living that way makes no one happy.
Look into the eyes of a serial killer and you’ll see the most miserable man on the planet. Who spent his life doing evil, chasing a sick, dirty high that destroyed the lives of others and himself.
The same logic applies all the way down to guys who are unethical in business. Bernie Madoff lived his whole adult life as a lie. Worrying about the day he would get caught. Sure he might have got high off of the money, but your conscience watches what you do, and deep down he hated himself. He knew he was a thief and a liar and eventually he would get caught and destroy the lives of his family, thousands of other people, and end up in prison.
Living a consistently happy life is a system, and being a good person is built into that system. And having wealth, health, good relationships and a fulfilling lifestyle are too. And so is having leisure time to do the things you’re interested.
And the good news is, all of those things are available to you when you align your wants with your happiness and go after them.