How To Conquer Sexual Frustration

If you’re struggling with women, the first thing you need to understand is that you’re not alone, millions of guys are right there with you. Don’t believe the hype and think that everyone out there is getting laid except for you, because it’s just not true.

In fact it’s the opposite of true, I know from dealing with thousands of guys from the last four years of running RLD. The truth is, outside of when they get a girlfriend, most guys don’t get laid much if at all.

If you’re struggling, I feel for you brother. There is no question that getting sex and affection from women is a very important thing for your health and wellbeing. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs sex and affection ranks right above food and shelter.

Across the board, lack of sex and affection are major contributors to violence and depression. When you look at the most sexually repressed countries they’re often the most violent. And in some extreme cases you end up with a guy like Elliott Rodger – sexual frustration is no joke.

To live well you need to get your sexual frustration handled.

The good news is, where there’s a will there’s a way, and every problem has a solution.

And the way you solve sexual frustration is through two key mindsets: action and control.

Take Action

1) Get Laid

If you’re sexually frustrated right now, the first thing you need to do is take action and make getting women a priority. Not your first priority, or even your second, but a priority nonetheless.

Setting aside a few nights a week, and maybe a few weekend afternoons to chase girls is all good, just as long as you’ve taken care of business during the day.

To get laid you need to focus on two things:

First, maxing out your sexual market value. Now this might take 3-5 years in some cases but don’t be discouraged. A wardrobe upgrade, losing weight, and getting high quality, possibly professional pics can make a massive difference in just a few days or months.

Second, you need to start hollering at some girls. The most efficient way is online. The second most efficient way is day game. Bar game is decent but nightclubs are the worst places to get laid and I wouldn’t even bother. At least until you’re seasoned in the game.

Here’s what you need to know:

  1. How to max out your SMV
  2. How to get into state to approach
  3. How to approach girls during the day
  4. How to get laid on Tinder, OK Cupid and POF

If you’re new to the game, you’re going to be shit, at least at first, the move is just to accept it and keep powering through, keep putting in the numbers, and eventually you will get laid. You might not have the raw genetic material to become a top 1% guy, but that doesn’t matter, with enough effort, you can get laid consistently, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Lastly, don’t push yourself too far out of your comfort zone at first. You don’t have to approach girls if you’re not in state and you don’t have to do crazy PUA approaches. You also don’t have to run the hardcore DTF game I outline in some of my online articles, all you have to do is try and get the girl to meet up for a date and get rid of timewasters.

2) Lower Your Standards

The cold truth of the sexual marketplace is you get the girls in your league. Consistently getting 10’s is a PUA company snake oil sales pitch. If you’re a 5, 5’s are going to be the girls you have the best shot at. Sure you can punch above your weight class occasionally, but not often.

That’s the bad news. The good news is, 5’s need love too and what other guys think is completely irrelevant because other guys probably aren’t even getting laid. I’ve fucked a few 5s in my day and I have no regrets because there’s no rules to this shit – you can do whatever you want in life.

Not only that, but you’re going to be a lot more comfortable on the date and a lot more comfortable in bedroom with a girl whose not a stunner. Then, when you do get your SMV up and you lock down that hot chick, you’re going to be good to go.

Take Control

1) Deprioritize

As I keep saying, you never want to make women your number one priority. I know you might be really frustrated right now and this might sound really counterintuitive, but it’s really important you internalize this concept for a number of reasons:

First, they’ll punish you for it, women can smell desperation and neediness coming from a mile away and will avoid you like the plague. When you put her on a pedestal, she’ll make you pay for it by losing interest with mathematical precision. The only person that belongs on that pedestal is you.

Second, life will punish you for it. If you spend your youth chasing tail to satisfy your sexual frustration you won’t be left with much except for a few girls whose names you’ll forget five years from now. But when you focus on yourself, you’ll thank yourself for the thriving business and the fit body you put work into.

Third, by putting women as your first priority, you’ll actually increase your frustration. If you’re a virgin or don’t get laid very often, it might take you 6 months of practice to get laid. And in that time you’ll see how flaky, unaccountable and outright rude women can be when there are no social consequences.

With girls as your number one priority, you’re going to end up throwing your phone through your window when the third girl of that week cancels on you or just outright doesn’t show up.

But when girls aren’t your first priority, you can handle all that shit non-reactively.

When she cancels, no big deal, you can just get in some work.

When she doesn’t come home with you, no big deal, you can just go out with your boys.

When she stands you up, no big deal, you can just reward yourself for getting out there with a nice dinner and a beer.

Now don’t get me wrong, deprioritizing women is not an excuse for not taking action, it’s a mindset for controlling your reaction. Because you can’t always control what happens in life, even when you’re taking action, but what you can always control is your reaction.

This is a mindset you need to drill deep into your core, and not as a fake-ass PUA tactic to show girls that you’re not needy, but as your actual mentality. When women truly aren’t your first priority, you won’t come off as needy because you’re truly not needy.

I blow off girls all the time who want to hang out during the day because I have to work and it’s not because I’m trying to run game. It’s because I actually have to work and I would truly regret wasting a day of kicking ass to chase skirt because I put myself on a pedestal and my top priority is taking care of business.

It all comes down to having the right mindset and training yourself to have the right reaction. This might be hard for you to see if you’re really frustrated right now, but I promise you the results are worth it.

2) Transmute Your Sexual Energy

If you’re like most guys who are struggling, you live with that extra bit of aggression and frustration from not getting what you want on a daily basis.

And I know that’s not fun.

However, every curse is a blessing in disguise. You might not have the sex life you want yet, but while you’re taking action to make that happen, you can tap into the most powerful energy on this planet, your life force.

The electric bulb, the car and the smartphone we’re all built by guys who channeled their life force into something greater than themselves. If Henry Ford had spent all his time chasing down girls at the nightclub like some wannabe PUA, we would still be riding around in horse-drawn carriages.

The truth is, energy, libido, life force and drive are all the same thing. And it’s up to you how you use that force.

And the best way to think of your life force is like a car battery. If you’re constantly draining the battery on your car, your car isn’t going to run properly. The same goes for draining your life force three times a day to pixels on the interwebs.

It’s no coincidence that Napoleon Hill, in his seminal book How To Think And Grow Rich, recommends sexual transmutation as one of the keys to success. And it’s no coincidence that many heavyweight boxers swear off sex for months prior to a big fight.

Because not ejaculating, or not ejaculating too often, gives you that laser focused edge over the average guy who spends his life draining his life force into a dirty sock.

It took me until my late 20’s to really notice the energy cost of ejaculating, but looking back I can see it was always there.

You can get away with it when you’re young, but not forever.

The fact is, the less you cum, the more energy you’ll have.

You might not notice it right away, but after a month you’ll feel like a new man.

And then you can take that energy and throw it into your business, into the gym, and into getting your life together.

If I could describe the definition of a man in one word it would be CONTROL

Control of his environment, control of his body and control of his will.

And controlling your sex drive is a big part of that.

Once you can harness that concentrated power, and throw it into succeeding on all levels…

You become a motherfucking force to be reckoned with.

You can take that edge you get from sexual frustration and use it to hit the weights hard as hell.

You can use that edge to work 10 hours a day building your money machine.

You can use that edge to get organized.

And you can use that edge to get motivated and start kicking ass every day.

Again, that might sound counterintuitive, but it’s not. Every time you feel that pang of aggression or sexual frustration, the move is to channel it into something that’s going to make your life better. Not only will this release you from that negative state, but it further helps you to de-prioritize women.

And the sooner you learn this skill, the better your life will be. If you can’t harness your sex drive, you’re forever going to be that guy that girls can lead around by their dick, even after you solve the problem of getting laid.

3) Tantric Masturbation

No PMO (Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm) is the ideal and will give you the sharpest energy and the most motivation to get at girls. My record is 8 months of no PMO (while still having sex) and I’ve never felt better or more productive.

But the truth is, for most guys this is a tough thing to do, especially when you’re not getting laid. And especially for long periods of time where you’re really working hard.

The next best option is tantric masturbation. When you practice tantric masturbation you can take that excess life force that’s not going into your business or the gym and recycle it throughout your body without the energy cost of ejaculating.

The reason tantric masturbation is so effective is because you can still enjoy having an orgasm without the energy cost. And you can redirect all that powerful energy throughout your body giving you a nice, energetic buzz.

But it’s not just about the pleasure, it’s the fact that you can become a self-sustaining unit. Ironically, when I wrote How To Fuck Women Properly I cut off all the girls in my life so I could write 14 hours a day for 2.5 months and used tantric masturbation to handle any sexual frustration I had.

Those 2.5 months of concentrated work have been paying me for the last year and will probably pay me for the next decade – I’m telling you, control of your life force on a deep level is a very powerful thing.

It’s to the point where I cut off girls completely or to once a week every time I have a major project I want to get handled and tantric masturbation is a big part of allowing me to do that. Tantric masturbation is by far the best tool for getting control of your cock and controlling the excess frustration you can’t transmute into your goals.


  • You’re not alone in your struggle with sexual frustration
  • Sexual frustration is a real problem that deserves your attention
  • Solving sexual frustration should be a priority, but not your first priority
  • Sexual frustration can be solved by taking action and taking control of your mind
  • Take action by focusing on getting laid and lowering your standards
  • Take control of your mind by deprioritizing women, transmuting your sexual energy into your goals, and using tantric masturbation to control excess sexual energy
  • Make it happen and start feeling better today
  1. RLD,

    Thank you for this article, because this is what I needed to hear because I’m a 25 year old virgin who has been getting sexual frustration, despite of me working on increasing my Sexual Market Value to the Max now.

    Right now, I’m 5lbs closer to be 20 lbs lean and muscular, maintaining my good face, but still working on getting a IT skill/certification, so i can turn it into a side business. The thing is that I still need a car and get out of my parent’s house to get my own place. So I got a long way to go and get those priorities finished before doing Tinder and Daygame. It’s just that social stigma about being a virgin for a while at 25 was frustrating as hell.

    So articles like these by me motivates me to do better for myself and stop putting women as my first priority. Keep up the good work.


  2. Thank you Brian, and happy to hear you’ve put yourself on the path. And great to hear you’ve got your prioties together and motivation.

    With that said, moving out is the key, you don’t need the car, you just get them to come over or meet you at a bar/coffee shop close to your place. And it doesn’t matter how small your apartment is, as long as it’s clean(ish). If she’s coming home with you, she’s down to at least hook up if not fuck. Just keep that in mind so you don’t feel so far away from your goals.

    As for being a 25 year old virgin, it’s 1) way more common than you think and 2) way less important than you think. Health, wealth and happiness are what matters in life, as long as you have those, everything else is a small problem. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to keep taking action on it, just don’t let it get you down. If you follow the gameplan and get your own place, you can be getting laid in 3 to 6 months.

  3. Nice work, Will.

    One question: do you think is a good ideia going for a prostitute to break a dry spell?

  4. Thanks Traq. I would try to avoid pros if you can because it’s easy to fall into relying on them for sex. And as a player, I feel like you should never be in a position where you’re paying for a women, because you’re a man of value and the only girls that deserve your dick are the ones that recognize that value in you. I’d just lower your standards and double down on your efforts.

  5. Thank you very much, Will

    After seeing your reply and reading the article again it’s clear that the key for me is in lowering my standards.

    Best regards,

  6. Will you ever be creating a piece of content that goes over how you deal with STDs? Many who claim to have sex with hundreds of women don’t say a thing about STDs! That, in addition to the idea of some sort of false allegation, or getting with someone who is crazy, are the biggest setbacks I have. Around 75% of people have herpes and you can get it by kissing even if there are no active sores! Why doesn’t anybody care about that?

  7. Hey Zen, for sure I will. For now, I’ll give you this:

    For STDs your best options are in order:

    1) Abstinence
    2) A committed relationship where you always use condoms and get tested every quarter
    3) Having sex with a few girls, always using condoms and getting tested every quarter
    4) Having sex with a lot of girls and always using condoms

    The truth is the more girls you fuck the higher your risk of getting an STD, theres no way around that. Also condoms don’t necessarily protect against HPV and herpes. With that said if you’re between 18 and 28 (I believe), and have never had HPV, you can take the gardasil vaccine that protects against the types of HPV that give genital warts.

    As far as avoiding a false rape accusation, the big things are:

    1) Never take home really drunk girls
    2) Never, ever take home really drunk girls with boyfriends where there are social consequence for her (say a college environment)
    3) Respect no means no and never use force, you can be aggressive, but it has to be very clear by her words and body language that its consensual
    4) Always walk her to the door after she leaves and thank her for a nice time
    5) Always send her a day after text thanking her for the nice time (her polite response is an excellent insurance policy)
    6) Never take home a girl who is a hardcore feminist or has anger towards men
    7) Never take home crazy or really dramatic girls no matter how hot she is
    7) Do your best to please her in bed/cuddle afterwards (so she doesn’t feel “used” and discarded afterwards)

  8. Hey Zen, unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it, most people probably have it without showing symptoms, even condoms don’t protect against herpes or HPV, they do reduce the risk however. The best thing you can do is sleep with as little women as possible, always wear condoms, and always check the girl for visible sores.

  9. Hi Will, you say that you’ve had sex with women well over the triple digits. Have you ever had an STD? I know a few guys with notches over 100 and never had an STD… So I feel a lot of STD risks are really overblown in the media, and as long as you’re not banging 2’s that have no standards or people you suspect that have STDs, you should be ok. What do you think?

  10. Yep, I’ve had chlamydia once and gonnorhea a few times, 1 gram of azithromycin cures both. With that said, I’ve been lucky, should always bag it up, and never fuck a girl in the ass without a condom, thats how you get serious ones HIV – syphillis

  11. What’s happening Will,

    Hope your day is good, and I want to get your opinion and advice on the No PMO method.

    I’m a 26 year old virgin, who’s working on getting my priorities together like getting out of my place and getting a car, plus getting my IT certification, but ever since you talked about how No PMO method brings you the sharpest and best focus/energy, and it would help bring my goals to completion.

    So my question is, How long do I do the No PMO strategy in order I get results?

    And also, What are tips that I need to know before doing this method?

    Thank you for your time reading this and hope i get your advice soon.


  12. You’ve got to be just like Cain in Kung Fu. Pratice mastery. Like a daist.
    BTW, how did David Caradine who played Cain die?

  13. Hey man!

    Any advice on conquering sexual anxiety? I’ve only had sex once with one girl but have had multiple opportunities to do it.

    I always get anxious (butterflies in stomach, etc) before sex but it usually was never a problem of being able to perform (I just couldn’t deal with her last minute resistance and nothing would happen.)

    My problem is the last 3 times I’ve been with a new girl I couldn’t get it up. I thought it was performance anxiety at first but after the second and third time it happened I knew it had to be something more. I researched it and found out porn could cause it.

    I just hit 90 days on NoFap so it’s time I go “test” things out.

    I know this problem is mainly mental. If you don’t think it’ll work, it won’t work. And I know the only way to get over my initial sexual anxiety is through exposure.

    I’ve heard you say you have to detach from the outcome. Can you expand on that briefly?

    Girls assume I’m a player based on my looks and confidence so I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a “sex god” which no doubt is the root cause of all these mental hang ups.

    Would love your feedback.

    I feel like this problem is the only thing blocking my way from truly becoming a player.

    You rock!

  14. Thanks Edwin, I cover some of that in my sex book, and will prob a few articles on it coming up soon. With that said, I think 90 days of No Fap will do it. If it doesn’t, it’s fear or low test, both things to look into, but try again after no FAP. As for detachment, just find a girl outside of your social circle and tell yourself you don’t care if you can’t get it up.

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