How To Be A Player In The Game Of Life Part 3: How To Keep Position
In part 2 of this series we covered how to get position.
If you follow the path, I promise you, there will come a day when you’ve structured your life so that you have position in all areas.
Maybe you’re still working on making it happen or maybe you’re already there.
But just as important as getting position is how to keep position once you get it.
To play your position to the best of your abilities, requires both hard and soft skills.
The Hard Skills
1) Understand your position at all times
To the fucking letter, you need to understand your position in all situations and at all time. Because not all positions are created equal.
When you don’t understand your position to the letter, it can cost you peace of mind, money or even your life if you fuck with the wrong guy.
As a boss in business your position is strong. It’s strong because you pay your employee’s rent.
Yet some guys underestimate the power of their position and think they need to put on dominance displays to keep everyone in line – not so.
You don’t need to do that shit because the guys are already afraid of you because you control their money! Everyone knows you’re the boss and everyone hates having a boss.
Acting like a dick only makes them hate you more.
You can run around yelling at guys to make more sales calls and embarrass them in public if you want to. But don’t be surprised when somebody keys up your car.
When you act like an asshole your employees will quietly despise you and be looking for any chance to leave or to sabotage your success.
Instead you should treat your people well and only drop the hammer when someone steps out of line. That way you keep the best employees and keep morale high and turnover low.
A weak position is the position I have with my service providers.
To keep my money machine running smoothly means I need to pay 12 different online companies for various services every month – fucking 12!
And every week I have at least one problem with one of those services.
In theory, since I’m a paying client, getting my problems solved should be easy. This would be the case if I was paying every company 10k a month.
I could tell my rep to bark like a dog and he’d do it just to keep my business (not that I would). But I don’t pay that kind of money.
I used to pay WP Engine $170 a month for hosting to deal with a minimum wage customer service rep who didn’t give a fuck about losing my business because his job didn’t depend on it.
And my account manager didn’t care enough to answer my emails unless he was trying to sell me on paying a year in advance – even when my website got hacked.
So my real position, although technically a power position, was just one of many low paying clients.
If I would have yelled at them for how retarded they were, they would flagged me as a problem client and I would have had trouble solving my problem.
Instead I had to be kind, patient and politely persistent, despite the fact that my hacked website was redirecting my loyal readers to porn sites.
Eventually I got my problem solved because I played my hand diplomatically. And diplomacy is almost always the right move.
Only when your position is exceptionally strong can you use brute force, but even then the consequences and blowback are rarely worth it.
Instead of blowing up at WP Engine, I waited until my problem was solved, tripled my security and quietly moved hosting providers to Traffic Planet Hosting who charge me a third of the price and answer every support ticket within ten minutes.
Set Expectations In Advance
Since you’re the leader in all aspects of your life, you set the rules. This is how it is and everyone else can take it or leave it. When you tell a girl that you can’t promise monogamy, that’s how it is.
When you tell her you have zero tolerance for drama that’s how it is. If she stays with you, she accepts those rules. If not, so be it.
When you don’t set expectations and you get drama (which you always will when you don’t set expectations), you can’t complain, because it’s your fault for not playing your position correctly.
Girls will test you on everything, it’s in their nature, if you don’t tell her the rules, you can’t blame her for breaking them.
Whether it’s with your employees or your girlfriend, a player in the game of life always sets his terms and sticks to them.
Pricetag Your Leadership
Being a leader is not about having to control everyone – that’s a weak man mentality.
Shit, I wouldn’t want to control everyone even if I could, I barely have enough time to do everything that needs to get done each day.
I only have time to offer my leadership to people who value it and reward me accordingly.
In business, I put my heart and soul into making the best products available. I put a premium pricetag on my products because they’re the best products on the market.
Smart, young go-getters see value in what I’m doing and pay that price happily. The guys that don’t see the value are free to go buy something else.
With women, I’m handsome, charming, smart, fun, affectionate and thoughtful. I’m happy to take her for dinner, or to the movies, or to the lake, or on motorbike rides, or listen to her problems and offer advice.
But the pricetag for all that is her acting right – sweet, loyal, happy and submissive. Any girl not willing to pay the price can go find someone else.
With my friends, I’m positive, loyal, funny and supportive. The pricetag for that is again my happiness. I only hang around guys who are loyal, accountable, easy going, motivated and fun to be around.
Any guy who doesn’t fit the bill can go find other friends.
I pricetag everything I do and so should you. When you truly believe in yourself and have high self esteem, it’s only natural.
The second someone starts to take any of that for granted, you put them one step away from the door.
And make no mistake they will. The vast majority of people will try to take a mile when you give them an inch, especially women.
Life can’t always be about cooperation. To keep position always involves some element of combat no matter how subtle.
Stay Out Of Wars
The best to win a war is to avoid the war in the first place. The only people who profit off wars are central bankers, everyone else suffers. To see a real world example, look no further than America.
Once the wealthiest nation in history, now 19 Trillion in debt after spending the last half century stomping all the over the globe with nothing to show for it. If you want peace and prosperity, stay out of wars.
Forget about fighting with other guys, or other crews, or your competitors – all that does is cost you time and money, not to mention quality of life. The only time you should be fighting is if some thug gets the jump on you and you’re fighting for your life. Other than that, stay out of fights and wars as best as you can.
Confide In Yourself
They say it’s lonely at the top, and their right. But if you want position, that’s the price to pay. The definition of confidence is confiding in yourself.
When you need to lean on others for support, you lose position. Not right away, but those moments of weakness add up.
Sure, good friends, and a good women will support you and it’s great to have people who can pick you up when you’re down, but your best move is to pick yourself up.
The more you lean on others the less you are in their eyes, that’s a cold, hard, fact. And when you abuse the support of others they’ll lose respect for you altogether.
Your boys don’t want to be around a guy who can’t handle his own problems. And your girl doesn’t want to be with a guy who has to cry on her shoulder.
When you consistently confide in yourself you become stronger for it. When you have lean on others, you cheat yourself of that strength. If you want to keep position, you need to pay the cost to be the boss.
Accept Total Responsibility
If you want to be a leader in life you need to take total responsibility. When you try and pass the buck it only makes you look weak. It also means you’re going to keep making the same mistake.
When my website got hacked my all I could see was red.
But within minutes I took total responsibility for not having the proper security in place and put a plan of action together to solve my problem.
Within two days I was malware free and more secure than ever.
The same goes for everything else in your life.
If you want to play the role of leader, you need to assume the responsibility that comes with the position.
The mood of the date is on you.
Picking a venue and making sure everyone is having fun is on you.
Your business is on you.
Taking full responsibility is a crucial part of holding on to position.
A real leader is an accountable, stand up kind of guy who does what he says he’s going to do and takes full responsibility when it doesn’t work out.
Check Disrespect Immediately
As part of your gameplan, it’s important to know how to deal with situations where your position isn’t being respected. In the past, when my position wasn’t being respected, I got angry.
But as I got older I realized anger was rarely the right move. Because not only does being angry make you unhappy, it causes you to make bad decisions.
Even if you have a good right to be angry, you need to figure out how to solve your problem using a clear head.
The move is, at the first sign of disrespect, to have a rational conversation with the person, telling them what you don’t like and politely asking them not to do it in the future.
If that person is worth having in your life, they’ll usually accept your attitude adjustment.
If disrespect is a constant problem, removing that person from your life is the only option.
Whether it’s a domineering girlfirend or an asshole masquerading as your buddy – get rid of anyone whose consistently disrespectful to you.
The only time you don’t check disrespect is when you don’t have position and your safety is on the line. Whether that’s with the police or airport security or a thug posted up at the bar with six of his goons.
In those cases, you just have to eat it. You won’t be happy, but you’ll get to play another day.
Instead of playing a potential game ending card…
Your move is to suck it up, go home and think about how you got yourself into a potential game ending situation and how to make sure that never happens again in the future.
Always Be Adding Value
You’re only as good as the value you add, this is another cold hard fact.
You want someone to love you for you?
Too bad, the only person that loves you for you is your mom.
People like you for what you bring to the table. When you stop being able to add value to their lives, it’s over.
I don’t care if she’s the sweetest girl in the world, when you stop adding value to her life, she’ll drop you like a hot potato.
When you stop charming your girl, stop acting like a man and let yourself go physically, it’s only a matter of time. When you start slacking on servicing your clients, they’ll be gone just as fast.
If you want an abundance of women and money, you need to be on your game at all times adding value.
I know that if start putting out garbage products, and garbage articles, it’s only a matter of time before I’m finished and you move on to one of my competitors.
Instead I’m going to keep hitting you with gold and take as much traffic and money away from my competitors as I can, because that is what it takes to keep position.
A true player always adds value and never takes days off.
Put Yourself On A Pedestal
A player in the game of life puts himself on a pedestal. Psychologists call this narcissism, or excessive self love, I call it being a winner.
There is not one great man in history who wasn’t a narcissist. If you want to be treated like a boss you need to love yourself first and truly believe that you deserve to be treated well.
A true player puts himself and his needs above others. A boss doesn’t grovel, or beg, or act needy or make himself easily available.
A boss puts himself on a pedestal and only accepts those that see him in the way he wants to be seen.
Wake Up Ready To Fight
The second you get comfortable is the second you start to lose position. The worse thing that can happen to a heavyweight champ is to get comfortable.
If he can’t find a way to stay hungry it’s only a matter of time before a younger, meaner, harder version of himself comes along and takes what’s his.
When you’re shitting with the door open and farting on your girlfriend, you’re too comfortable. And it’s only a matter of time before she stops respecting you and your postion.
Just because you have position doesn’t mean you can stop playing for it. You can never stop playing because the game never stops.
Think about it, to survive we have to kill and eat living things every day. It’s easy to forget, that with all our modern comforts and technology, the world is still a food chain.
We humans have just dominated the game to such a degree that our one-time competitors only exist because we allow them to. And our prey is mass produced, pre-cooked and delivered right to our door.
Don’t be fooled, this life is as much about combat as it is cooperation. And as humans we’re the most dominant predator species in history, despite what progressives want you to believe.
There’s an element of combat in every relationship, no matter how subtle. When you only want to cooperate you’re going to be on the losing end of that combat every time.
That means you need to stay on your game every single day.
When you start to get too comfortable it’s only a matter of time before someone comes in to swoop your clients or your girlfriend.
Instead you need to wake up every day ready to fight to keep your hard earned position.
The Soft Skills
As we covered at the start of this article. Maintaining position is as much about the soft skills as the hard skills. The conqueror who can’t make the transition to administrator will eventually lose his kingdom.
Some of these skills might sound contradictory, in comparison with the hard skills, but they’re not. A good leader is a strong man, but also a gentleman who takes care of his people.
Treat People Well
The best salesmen have the ability to make anyone feel great. You make people feel great, not by talking about yourself, but by talking about them, and making them feel valued for their contribution to your life.
If you want to keep the best people in your life, you need to treat them accordingly.
At first this might sound contradictory to putting yourself on a pedestal, but it’s not.
George St. Pierre is arguably one of the best MMA fighters of all time, yet he’s also the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, and that makes people love him even more.
Every person on this planet wants to be around a high value guy who believes in them and makes them feel good about themselves.
The best players keep their position, not by putting people down, but by lifting people up. When I go into any interaction I’m always thinking about how to make the other person feel good.
The better you are at making people feel good, the better your position is going to be, and the more people will want to be around you.
When Vadim does a top notch job editing my book and Matt Lawrence does an A+ job formatting it, I want those guys to feel like a million bucks.
When a reader make a thoughtful comment, I want him to feel valued and appreciated, that’s why I’ve responded to every single comment over the last four years.
I value having the best people in my life and want them to feel terrific every time they talk to me so that I keep them in my life.
The truth is, if you want people to be kind and loyal to you, you need to be kind and loyal to them. Respect goes both ways.
The same goes for women. When I find a beautiful, sweet, loyal and loving girl, I want to keep her in my life. As long as she continues to accept my position, and follow my rules, I treat her like gold.
I take her for dinner, ask her about her day, support her in her goals, and help her throw rocks at her enemies. And on top of that I’m exceptionally warm and affectionate.
All those “beta” things you’re told not to do by the mainstream PUA community.
And not only am I not penalized for it, it makes women even more interested in me.
Because I’m doing these things from the right position.
The language of emotions is women’s first language. She’s literally been waiting for a guy who has the ability to be both a strong masculine man, and be kind and gentle with her.
It’s not a question of alpha vs. beta. The right move with women is to combine your “alpha” and “beta” characteristics. The right ratio is about 70/30.
Be Only As Alpha As Necessary
In part 1 of this series we covered why being alpha is overrated. Being able to project confidence is important, but swinging your dick around like you’re John Holmes is almost never the smart move.
That type of attitude only flies when you’re coming from an exceptionally strong position, but even then it’s still the wrong move.
Instead you only want to be as alpha as necessary. That means acting alpha enough to get the respect you deserve and no more.
Any more than that and you create unnecessary enemies and blowback.
I present myself as an alpha on this blog so that you see me as an authority on solving your problems, but no more than necessary.
Because I know that if I acted like an arrogant, tryhard I would put off a lot of otherwise interested readers.
No one wants to read some guys vanity project, they want to build a relationship with a guy whose committed to helping them aspire to higher.
Having position does not give you carte blanche to act like an asshole under the pretense of “being alpha”. In fact “asshole” or “dark triad” game is almost always the wrong move.
The type of woman who responds well to abuse has low self esteem and isn’t the type of girl you want in your life.
And the type of guy that lets you walk all over him is not the kind of winner you want in your inner circle.
In the real world, as opposed to what some guys tell you on the internet, no one wants to be around an asshole.
Your clients don’t want to buy from an asshole.
Your friends don’t want to go for beers with an asshole.
And your girlfriend doesn’t want to go to the movies with an asshole.
So don’t be an asshole.
In summary, to keep position you need to master both the hard and the soft skills.
Right now you might need to work on amplifying your alpha characteristics.
Or you might need to tone them down and work on amplifying building rapport.
Whatever the move is, you need to figure it out – that’s what game really is.
Game isn’t just something you turn off and on when you go out to pickup women.
Game is life, and women are just a small part of your overall life game.
And the game doesn’t stop, not for a second.
That’s why you always need to keep playing, keep studying and keep refining your gameplan.
Make it happen player and build the life you deserve!
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