How To Handle Approach Anxiety And Rejection Like A Boss
Seduction is sales and as players in the game it’s important to recognize that we as men are sellers and women are buyers. Nature designed the sexual marketplace this way to weed the weak and soft men out of the gene pool. Harsh I know, but true nonetheless.
The quality and quantity of women you’re going to get is based on two things: your product which is your sexual market value and your sexual salesmanship, also known as your game. Game is merely the means to obtain and retain women in your league.
As a sexual salesman your process will look like this:
Lead Generation = Finding women you want to approach on the street
Cold Calling = Cold approach
Pitching = Running game
Contact Information = Contact information
Callbacks = Textbacks
Booking The Meet = Setting the first date
Closing = Having Sex
The PUA nonsense of making yourself the prize is garbage, by approaching you’re putting her in the buyer’s seat, which is the power position. And like in all sales you’re coming from the position of weakness because you want something from her. That’s the nature of the game and there’s no point fighting it.
By approaching her you open yourself to the humiliation of rejection. Being able to manage your anxiety and handle rejection is the price of entry. I wish I could tell you approach anxiety and the negative emotions associated with rejection would go away completely, but they don’t, and I don’t believe any guy who says otherwise.
If you’re new to picking up women this might sound like a rough business. And I won’t lie to you, it is, at least at first.
That’s The Bad News
The good news is that when you get this shit handled you can have amazing, blissful sex with a beautiful women you met on the street for free. You can literally see a girl you want, talk to her and have her in your bed that night. When I finally worked up the balls to do my first approach, I couldn’t believe that I was actually doing it.
You’re living in the absolute best time to pickup women in human history. Never has sex been more accessible to the average guy. Not only that but 99.9% of your competition is not even in the damn game. They stumble on a girlfriend every few years through social circle but they are not out there doing cold approach, I promise you that.
If you want to be part of that 0.1% of guys in the winner’s circle you need to be operating with a completely different playbook then the ordinary guy. The ordinary guy would rather have nature weed him out of the gene pool than face rejection.
To be able to face rejection and power through, whether in business or with women means you need to become an extraordinary guy. To become an extraordinary guy you need to do what the ordinary guy won’t, you need to learn how to reframe anxiety and rejection so you can get the girls that you want.
Here are the exact reframes and tactics you need to get this shit handled, based on 100% personal experience:
How To Deal With Approach Anxiety
1) Only Approach In State
State is all. Your life is nothing but a series of state changes. Therefore the most logical thing to do is to be as consistently happy as possible. The only moment that ever exists is the present. If you’re not feeling good, your job is to get yourself feeling good.
The thing about picking up girls however is that I don’t find it to be a very good state booster unless I’m already in a positive state. If I’m not feeling great I don’t approach women. Since chasing tail is at best my fourth priority in life, I treat it as a fun hobby that I do when I want to.
Because I treat picking up women as I fun hobby I don’t do it when I don’t feel like it. If I’m going to do something I don’t want to I better well be getting paid for it. When I worked in sales I had to sell all the time when I was out of state and I hated it. But no one’s paying me to holler at broads and I can’t pay rent with some girl’s phone number.
This might be contrary to a lot of the advice you read on other sites but that’s because I don’t care about being the best MPUA.
Being the best at approaching girls is like being the best at the stationary bike, it’s confusing the means with the ends. And the end game is consistent happiness.
Instead of approaching girls out of state, focus on getting yourself in state first and then hitting up girls. Exercise, hot showers, no ejaculation, caffeine and phenibut are all great ways to get into state.
I don’t schedule time to hit on women, I just talk to them when I’m feeling good and see someone I want to talk to. Not only is this a lot more fun but your results with women will be better, state is contagious.
2) Forget About Getting Rid Of Approach Anxiety
Getting rid of approach anxiety is not the goal, fucking women is the goal. Thinking you need to get rid of approach anxiety is just another unnecessary hurdle you put in your own way. Everyone has approach anxiety, some have a lot some have a little. Some days you’ll have a lot, some days you’ll barely have any. If you’re only approaching in state though you’ll have a lot less than the average wannabe.
With that said after the first few months of progressive desensitization you’ll never be as nervous as you were when you first started. However, when you take long periods off some of that anxiety will creep back in.
3) Link Approaching To Achievement And Pleasure
So how do you make something scary or unpleasant fun? Set goals and link the action of approaching to the pleasure of hitting that goal. Since you’ve already read my article on priorities and setting goals, and you’ve already set your relationship goal on January 1st of this year, you should be good to go. Just remember, since women are your fourth priority under your wealth, health and lifestyle you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself. Set a low goal that you can knock out of the park.
The way to link pleasure to pickup is through picturing your daily reward and what you’ll get when you hit your goal this year. Just like with your fitness goals, When you go to the gym you know you’re going to feel better after and you’ll know you’re one step closer to hitting you fitness goal for the year.
When you go out you just tell yourself: “OK all I have to do is talk to x girls then I get to go home and play video games/jerk off/eat pizza.” Once you’ve done what you need to do, you know you’ve got your reward today and your reward at the end of the year is on it’s way. And if you’re lucky your reward might be taking her home with you.
4) Accept Where You Are
That means accepting your sexual market value, your anxieties, your fears and not beating yourself up about it. Beating yourself up serves no purpose except the purpose of putting you in a negative state. Also accept that you might not be ready to approach girls and that’s OK. It took me a long time to sack up and do my first cold approach.
If the pain of staying the same is not bigger then the pain of change it won’t happen. If it’s a priority for you then you’ll make it happen, if not then you won’t, either way is fine. Remember, you’re not doing this stuff to impress anyone else so wait until you’re ready.
5) Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway
As you’re walking up to that girl you’re going to feel fear, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But you just accept it and do it anyway. A good rule of thumb is the old school tactic of following the 3 second rule. That means approaching a girl within 3 seconds of meeting her so that you’re already chatting her up before your brain has a chance to talk you out of it.
6) Use Online Dating To Get More Comfortable With Women
This is something that helped me a lot in terms of getting comfortable flirting and being in the presence of hot girls. From Tinder, to POF, to Ok Cupid you have a ton of options for setting up dates. Going on dates is hands down the best way to get your confidence up with women
7) Start By Approaching Girls In Your League
In general the girls you get will be in your league. Sure you can punch above your weight class from time to time but at least in the beginning, aim for women who you think you have a shot with. There’s no sense making yourself more nervous by trying to jump in the deep end of the pool when you can’t swim.
How To Deal With Rejection
1) Console Yourself With The Data
Pickup is a numbers game and even the best guys get rejected at least 90% of the time. Now that might not be outright rejection upfront but it means the vast majority of the girls you approach are not going to fuck you.
I treat pickup like I did sales calls and console myself with the metrics. In sales I knew I needed to make about 1000 cold calls to bring on a new client. In daygame pickup I know I need to approach 15 girls to get laid. In night game it’s closer to 50 and online I need to message about 100 girls. For many of you guys starting out it’s going be more than that.
Starting out way back in the dark ages of pickup where everyone lied about their numbers I used to think maybe I was just uglier than I thought. The reality is you can take a kid who looks like a model and he’s still going to get rejected more often than he’s going to get laid – I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
2) Rejection Doesn’t Mean She’s Not Attracted To You
Just because you get rejected does not mean you’re an ugly loser, it just means she’s not available at that point in time. It might mean she wasn’t attracted to you but it could also mean she has a boyfriend or she’s on her period or she got in a fight with her mom or any other damn reason.
3) Use Exposure Therapy To Become Mentally Tougher
Confidence comes after the fact, there is no confidence hack. You just have to go out there and fail before you can get confident. The good thing about failure though is that it makes you tougher. I used to take rejection personally but after close to a decade in sales and two decades with women I don’t really care about anything. There’s no way I’d be able to put myself out there like I do on this site without the mental toughness forged from those experiences.
If you don’t have a thick skin, you need to get one, it’s the biggest advantage in business and in life. You’ll always be able to earn a living by doing things other people are afraid of. The best way to get one is to go out there and get rejected. Once it actually happens you realize it isn’t that bad.
4) Be Mindful And Don’t Let Rejection Ruin Your State
When you’re outside on a sunny day talking to pretty girls and feeling great, why would you choose to let some random girl’s words ruin your awesome day? When you view your state as your #1 priority in your life you don’t let little things throw you off your game. Why torture yourself when you don’t have to?
The key to state management is mindfulness. When you take a hit and feel the anger or shame creep up on you, just label that thought as unproductive and move on to the next one. On a physical level, feel where it hurts because psychic pain always has a physical component. For me shame feels like hot energy in my solar plexus, light nausea from my kidneys and a heated upper back and cheeks. Recognize what you’re feeling, accept it and move on to positive and productive thoughts and actions, it’s the key to a good life.
5) Use Rejection To Loosen Up
If you’re already in a depressive state one harsh rejection might send you into a shame spiral that will leave you on the floor in your room. However, the funny thing about approaching girls when you’re already in state is that many times rejection will make you feel better by taking the edge off. The first rejection of the day changes everything. Just charge that shit to the game, move on to the next girl and keep it pimping.
6) Reframe Rejection As Courage
Understand that most guys are pussies and by doing what they’re afraid of you separate yourself from them and that makes you brave. Bravery isn’t being James Bond suave, bravery is going up to women even when you’re scared and that’s something to be proud of.
Whenever I’m working on something hard, I think this is probably where the ordinary guy would quit and since I’m not like other guys I’m going to power through and keep going.
If you want to be ordinary that’s all good, as long as it’s making you happy. But if you want to be extraordinary you have to do extraordinary shit like picking up girls off the street. Yes you have to deal with getting your ass handed to you but you also get to reap the rewards, and that reward is being able to pick up a girl anytime, anywhere.
7) View Failure As Feedback
This is the one point on this list that I don’t advise doing during your approaches. That’s because viewing failure as feedback is a philosophical approach to the problem of rejection but philosophy is not the best way to deal with a raw, primitive, negative emotion. Instead you should focus on the above tactics for quick state changes.
Viewing failure as feedback is something you should do during your debrief session. Similar to how you would dispassionately analyze your sales efforts in business – you should apply that same logic to your game. What worked here? What didn’t work? What can I do better? It doesn’t matter what any guru tells you, if it doesn’t work, discard it and find the right move for you. That’s how you become a master.
Get out there, use the reframes, have fun and get laid.
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