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Girlfriend Series Part 2: Moving In Together

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In part 1 we talk about how to screen for the right girlfriend, in this article I’m going to show you what to expect when you move in together and if living together is the right option for you. Moving in together is a big step, in my case I underestimated how big a step and how big an impact having someone sharing my territory would have on my life.

After a decade of bachelorhood I was not ready for how drastically my life would change, so I’ve given you guys exactly what to expect so that when you do move in, you’re prepared:

What You Need

1) The Right Girlfriend

This is the most important thing, living with the wrong girl will 100% of the time end in disaster.

2) A Cohabitation Agreement Before The Move

This is not a legal document but a list of who is responsible for what, groceries, chores (her of course),schedules etc. as well as who pays for what and how much. This holds you both accountable for doing what you promised to each other and will save a lot of fights.

3) A Legal Dissolution Agreement

This means she agrees to waive any claims to your assets or financial payments from you, how you’ll divide common furniture, who will move out, how the remainder of the joint lease will be paid etc. This might seem extreme but after a common law period of living together a woman may now have the same rights to your assets that she would have after marriage depending on your country/state.

4) Protect Your Assets

Make sure the bulk of your assets are protected, ideally offshore. Now if you have the right girl and a proper agreement the chances of her being able to touch your assets are slim, however no legal agreement is airtight and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

5) You’re Ready To Get Married And Have Kids

You’ve read this post and despite my advice, you are ready to get married and have kids. Despite what she might say, when you move in with a girl this is exactly what she expects, you are now on her gameplan. So unless that’s what you want, save yourself a messy break up in the future and don’t move in with her.

The Pros

Comfort

Having a great girl and a nice place to to come home to is a really nice feeling, like your own personal bubble away from the rest of the world. Your life feels stable knowing you’ve got someone who has your back, a teammate in life.

Intimacy

A lot of guys don’t realize that men don’t just have sexual needs, we have intimacy needs too and having an awesome girl around all day fulfills them, hugging, cuddling all that warm and fuzzy stuff. The chemical responsible for that is oxytocin, and your  baseline levels will be much higher with a sweet girl around. When you fall in love, the “happy” chemical dopamine and the “trust” chemical oxytocin increase to extreme levels, your system literally goes on a happy chemical binge.

Cooking

A bonus of living with a girl who meets your criteria is that you get someone who cooks for you which is a really nice adjustment from a bachelor lifestyle. Remember, pair bonding, sharing territory, sharing resources are in a woman’s best interest, giving her a part of your territory is a huge sacrifice, so make sure you get rewarded accordingly.

The Cons

The Noise

Constant noise, girls can’t sit still and are always getting up to go to the kitchen to rustle around with pots, talk on the phone to their girlfriends, it gets really distracting.

Need For Attention

Girls need constant attention be it cuddling, sex, conversation, listening to their feelings. Those are needs their parents or roomates used to fill (submissive girls never live alone) and you’ll have to now fill that void.

Talking About Her Day

This is a big priority for girls, they will need to talk about their day for at least 20 minutes every day whether you’re interested or not (usually not). Just know that’s a duty your signing up for when you move in.

Disorder

Chances are she won’t have the same sense of order you do (as a man order should be the cornerstone of your life), you’ll need to drill this into her lifestyle. Unless you have an extremely traditional girl (which you should) you should probably hire a maid and save yourself fights.

Her Nesting Instinct

Unless you take control of the decoration you can expect to live in Bed, Bath and Beyond.

More Drama

Living together means small relationship problems will get bigger, its much easier for drama to escalate when living together because you have no time apart and no room to cool off. You’re more reliant on each other for things which can lead to irritation/fighting when one person isn’t happy or fulfilling their agreements.

Spending More Money

Living with someone means everything is a group activity now, expect to go to more movies, more dinners, more ordering food, more shopping, more buying her gifts, which means spending more money.

Indecisiveness

Expect your woman to be indecisive and for you to make the majority of decisions in terms of food/ activities, she won’t always be happy with these but will rarely/never have a better solution. This is why its best to have a super submissive girl, she’ll be happy to go along with what you want which means less fighting.Movies/TV ShowsExpect to find that you spend more time watching movies and tv as a bonding experience and something to do after dinner but be careful not to fall into a routine of laziness.

Expectations

She will expect marriage and kids, no matter what she says she will 100% want this, once you’re living together you’re now on her plan of getting married and having kids. She will become dependent on you and expect you to become dependent on her. She will expect you to want to spend time with her family, and expect you to enjoy it. Understand this is her reality and be prepared for it.

Boundaries

Girls will start pushing boundaries around you now that they feel they have you locked in, you have to keep a firm hand. Familiarity breeds contempt and the more she feels she can get away with the more she’ll try.

Freedom

You’ll have less freedom for spontaneous plans and be expected to account for where you are. Jetting off to Southeast Asia on a whim and leaving the girlfriend behind is not an option, women now view your lives as joint.

Mission

It becomes more difficult to focus on your mission, girls are distracting and so is keeping them happy. It’s hard to find a girl who accepts your mission as priority # 1 (although the right one will). You will have to guard extra hard against mediocrity, it’s very easy to slip into eating lots of dessert and cuddling up on the couch every night, that’s what average guys do and that’s not for you. Comfort is the enemy of achievement, so you’ll have to use more discipline to stay on your mission.

Relaxation

It can be difficult to relax with someone always in your personal space, unless you have a big place you might find that you’ll be more irritable due to lack of personal space and always having someone around.

Sex

You’ll lose a lot of sexual excitement for her unless you have extremely high natural T levels due to the Coolidge effect. This can be a difficult adjustment if you’re transitioning from being a player with lots of sexual options, the best solution for this is to quit masturbation and porn and make your girlfriend your sole sexual outlet, this will make you a lot more excited to fuck her.

In part 3 of this series you’ll learn how to deal with a break up, check it out here.


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8 Comments

  1. Vilena
    January 1, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    I’ve read through several of your articles to come to this conclusion; you are nuts if you think you can categorize masculine and feminine relationships the way you have. People are different, men and women alike, and you just can’t simply say all men are like “this” and a there can be “this many types of women”, submissive, masculine, or whatever else it is you said. If a woman doesn’t like/know how to cook that means she shouldn’t be someone’s wife/gf now cus she’s not good enough to be and that the guy fucked up? Who are you again, some Godly oracle? I liked many of your other articles and I think you should stick to giving advice or Insight on some topics, such as how to build muscle or something; however, stray away from trying to rationalize the worth of a human based on a cooking skill or how much sex they like to have or what kind of family this person came from. Although those points maybe important to some people they won’t be to all. And many of these traits, I’ll say, are not in ones control. Sometimes it’s the environment they were brought up in- so what, now this person should be alone for the rest of their life cus they’re not “wife material”?? Just stick to what you know, you man person.

  2. January 1, 2015 at 5:53 pm

    I agree that people are different, thats why I explained in part 1 that this 3 part guide on Girlfriends was for alpha males only, my primary audience on this site. Alpha males are dominant, strong willed guys, if they date alpha females there will be fighting and drama, neither person will be happy, thats why dominant men need submissive girlfriends and dominant women need submissive boyfriends.

    Its not an attack on alpha females, they just aren’t a good fit for myself or my readers, they would be happier with beta males where they can hold a leadership position. I think everyone deserves to be happy in whatever relationship they choose, and that means finding the right person for you.

    There is no such thing as equality in a relationship, someone always will have more power, its better to have the roles defined in advance then have both people fighting for control.

    As for girls

  3. Ron
    January 15, 2015 at 9:05 pm

    Great Article again Will! You are one of the few guys in the manosphere who have all the pieces put together. Most of the guys writing in the manosphere compartmentalize all the different aspects of the Game(Life), but you are one of the few that have a cohesive and systematic understanding of how all the pieces fit as an evolving philosophy on life. Now to get off my soapbox. Fu*k what Vilena said! What you are ultimately trying to do here is to guide men past the mediocrity that they settle for day to day. Trying to help them strive towards happiness. Can they date a masculine, can’t cook, argumentative woman? Yes. They can do what they want. But will they be truly happy? I doubt it. Your trying to help men find happiness. But sometimes the water is only for those who are willing to drink. Keep up the good work, Stay strong,!

  4. January 15, 2015 at 11:07 pm

    Thanks man, I really appreciate it. You get it exactly, I want to give guys all the strategies they need to build a healthy, happy, positive, lifestyle, no bullshit, no scams.

    That’s absolutely right, no man is going to be happy with someone else backseat driving his life. Let those girls have their beta males and everyone is happy. And for sure, not every guy is going to get it but I’m writing for the ones that do, like you.

  5. Anonymous
    September 9, 2015 at 12:51 am

    Hey Will,
    Nice article, very insightful. I have some questions, I hope you don’t mind my asking if not too personal?
    You mention that marriage and kids are on the table when with girlfriend moving in etc.
    What is your opinion on having kids?
    What is your opinion on unplanned pregnancies and abortion?
    Have you gotten a pregnancy scare before?
    What’s your opinion on vasectomy? Male birth control pills?
    If many women are pushing towards kids especially when their “biological clock” is “ticking” are there any redflags to look for?

  6. September 9, 2015 at 3:02 am

    Thank you. Their on her table when you move in together, whether you want them or not, just remember that. No matter what she says, when you move in together its beceause she is planning marriage and kids with you, if not now then eventually.

    My opinion on having kids is only do it if you’re rich, patient and feel you can be a capable dad, for most guys this is in their late 30s. Also have a parenting plan in advance as well as assets protected etc.

    Unplanned pregnancies are a nightmare, if I got a girl pregnant now I’d push for an abortion. No pregnancy scares but lots of girls who wanted me to get them pregnant.

    Vasectomy is good in theory but I’ve hear horror stories of guys having erectile dysfunction, I would avoid any surgery of my penis if at all possible.

    The red flag to look for is a woman being in her late 20’s early 30’s they all want kids and most women will keep any unplanned pregnancies at that age bracket. This is especially true if she lets you or wants you to come inside her.

    Also check out this article and video http://revolutionarylifestyledesign.com/marriage-debunked-7-reasons-not-to-get-married/

  7. James Maun
    December 27, 2016 at 11:03 am

    Will ….

    TREMENDOUS 3 part article. My view is this should be required reading for all young men. Further, this should be reread every 3 months.

    One point I would like to address that apparently, you did not touch upon. No matter how good the girl is, don’t you find they have a specific wrapon of sorts. Some display this early, others wait until literally 24 hours after the wedding (as you correctly point out ALWAYS the primary goal). That weapon is the obstruction of a man’s peace while home if there is something they desire and are not receiving. I have found that particularly, if you are a high achieving Alpha, this obstruction can be deleterious to the objective of the mission. This can include the silent treatment, crying, emergence of lack of enthusiasm or light depression. In short, my experience has taught me this seems to be employed by the best of women at some point or another. If this occurs during a particularly crucial, stressful time while accomplishing the mission, the results can lead a guy to “lose his shit.”

    That being said, some of your other strategies like discipline for one, are integral in combatting this unfortunate occurrence. The reason I would appreciate some commentary on this is that I see this as a very common occurrence in even the most sane of women.

    Bottom line:
    I earnestly believe you are a man with extraordinary insight into the male/female dance. Speaking only for me, I would love to hear your thoughts on this observation.

    You masterfully point out the necessity of discipline while focusing on

  8. December 29, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Thanks James, I really appreciate it. I agree with your points, their agenda comes first and they will live in unhappiness to get it, this is the biggest downside of living with a woman, because you can’t leave or ask her to leave. And yes, alphas regularly lose their shit when they live with their woman, I strongly caution any guy, especially alphas from living with a woman, and if you do, a big house with lots of space is key.

    As for more insight, women are more primative (primate like, check out the treatise on love/will have more on ethology coming up) and therefore emotional. Even educated career women will use silent treatment, crying etc. to get their way. And women never give up on their major agendas be it house, renovations, kids etc. The only surefire defense is not living with her in the first place, because then you always have the option to leave or ask her to leave. So many players think their above the game and they have the right goal and they’ll be able to control the outcome and its just not true. And if you choose to live with a woman, make sure she is as low drama as possible so you get as little of that bullshit as possible.

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