How To Conquer Sexual Frustration
If you’re struggling with women, the first thing you need to understand is that you’re not alone, millions of guys are right there with you. Don’t believe the hype and think that everyone out there is getting laid except for you, because it’s just not true.
In fact it’s the opposite of true, I know from dealing with thousands of guys from the last four years of running RLD. The truth is, outside of when they get a girlfriend, most guys don’t get laid much if at all.
If you’re struggling, I feel for you brother. There is no question that getting sex and affection from women is a very important thing for your health and wellbeing. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs sex and affection ranks right above food and shelter.
Across the board, lack of sex and affection are major contributors to violence and depression. When you look at the most sexually repressed countries they’re often the most violent. And in some extreme cases you end up with a guy like Elliott Rodger – sexual frustration is no joke.
To live well you need to get your sexual frustration handled.
The good news is, where there’s a will there’s a way, and every problem has a solution.
And the way you solve sexual frustration is through two key mindsets: action and control.
1) Get Laid
If you’re sexually frustrated right now, the first thing you need to do is take action and make getting women a priority. Not your first priority, or even your second, but a priority nonetheless.
Setting aside a few nights a week, and maybe a few weekend afternoons to chase girls is all good, just as long as you’ve taken care of business during the day.
To get laid you need to focus on two things:
First, maxing out your sexual market value. Now this might take 3-5 years in some cases but don’t be discouraged. A wardrobe upgrade, losing weight, and getting high quality, possibly professional pics can make a massive difference in just a few days or months.
Second, you need to start hollering at some girls. The most efficient way is online. The second most efficient way is day game. Bar game is decent but nightclubs are the worst places to get laid and I wouldn’t even bother. At least until you’re seasoned in the game.
Here’s what you need to know:
- How to max out your SMV
- How to get into state to approach
- How to approach girls during the day
- How to get laid on Tinder, OK Cupid and POF
If you’re new to the game, you’re going to be shit, at least at first, the move is just to accept it and keep powering through, keep putting in the numbers, and eventually you will get laid. You might not have the raw genetic material to become a top 1% guy, but that doesn’t matter, with enough effort, you can get laid consistently, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
Lastly, don’t push yourself too far out of your comfort zone at first. You don’t have to approach girls if you’re not in state and you don’t have to do crazy PUA approaches. You also don’t have to run the hardcore DTF game I outline in some of my online articles, all you have to do is try and get the girl to meet up for a date and get rid of timewasters.
2) Lower Your Standards
The cold truth of the sexual marketplace is you get the girls in your league. Consistently getting 10’s is a PUA company snake oil sales pitch. If you’re a 5, 5’s are going to be the girls you have the best shot at. Sure you can punch above your weight class occasionally, but not often.
That’s the bad news. The good news is, 5’s need love too and what other guys think is completely irrelevant because other guys probably aren’t even getting laid. I’ve fucked a few 5s in my day and I have no regrets because there’s no rules to this shit – you can do whatever you want in life.
Not only that, but you’re going to be a lot more comfortable on the date and a lot more comfortable in bedroom with a girl whose not a stunner. Then, when you do get your SMV up and you lock down that hot chick, you’re going to be good to go.
As I keep saying, you never want to make women your number one priority. I know you might be really frustrated right now and this might sound really counterintuitive, but it’s really important you internalize this concept for a number of reasons:
First, they’ll punish you for it, women can smell desperation and neediness coming from a mile away and will avoid you like the plague. When you put her on a pedestal, she’ll make you pay for it by losing interest with mathematical precision. The only person that belongs on that pedestal is you.
Second, life will punish you for it. If you spend your youth chasing tail to satisfy your sexual frustration you won’t be left with much except for a few girls whose names you’ll forget five years from now. But when you focus on yourself, you’ll thank yourself for the thriving business and the fit body you put work into.
Third, by putting women as your first priority, you’ll actually increase your frustration. If you’re a virgin or don’t get laid very often, it might take you 6 months of practice to get laid. And in that time you’ll see how flaky, unaccountable and outright rude women can be when there are no social consequences.
With girls as your number one priority, you’re going to end up throwing your phone through your window when the third girl of that week cancels on you or just outright doesn’t show up.
But when girls aren’t your first priority, you can handle all that shit non-reactively.
When she cancels, no big deal, you can just get in some work.
When she doesn’t come home with you, no big deal, you can just go out with your boys.
When she stands you up, no big deal, you can just reward yourself for getting out there with a nice dinner and a beer.
Now don’t get me wrong, deprioritizing women is not an excuse for not taking action, it’s a mindset for controlling your reaction. Because you can’t always control what happens in life, even when you’re taking action, but what you can always control is your reaction.
This is a mindset you need to drill deep into your core, and not as a fake-ass PUA tactic to show girls that you’re not needy, but as your actual mentality. When women truly aren’t your first priority, you won’t come off as needy because you’re truly not needy.
I blow off girls all the time who want to hang out during the day because I have to work and it’s not because I’m trying to run game. It’s because I actually have to work and I would truly regret wasting a day of kicking ass to chase skirt because I put myself on a pedestal and my top priority is taking care of business.
It all comes down to having the right mindset and training yourself to have the right reaction. This might be hard for you to see if you’re really frustrated right now, but I promise you the results are worth it.
2) Transmute Your Sexual Energy
If you’re like most guys who are struggling, you live with that extra bit of aggression and frustration from not getting what you want on a daily basis.
And I know that’s not fun.
However, every curse is a blessing in disguise. You might not have the sex life you want yet, but while you’re taking action to make that happen, you can tap into the most powerful energy on this planet, your life force.
The electric bulb, the car and the smartphone we’re all built by guys who channeled their life force into something greater than themselves. If Henry Ford had spent all his time chasing down girls at the nightclub like some wannabe PUA, we would still be riding around in horse-drawn carriages.
The truth is, energy, libido, life force and drive are all the same thing. And it’s up to you how you use that force.
And the best way to think of your life force is like a car battery. If you’re constantly draining the battery on your car, your car isn’t going to run properly. The same goes for draining your life force three times a day to pixels on the interwebs.
It’s no coincidence that Napoleon Hill, in his seminal book How To Think And Grow Rich, recommends sexual transmutation as one of the keys to success. And it’s no coincidence that many heavyweight boxers swear off sex for months prior to a big fight.
Because not ejaculating, or not ejaculating too often, gives you that laser focused edge over the average guy who spends his life draining his life force into a dirty sock.
It took me until my late 20’s to really notice the energy cost of ejaculating, but looking back I can see it was always there.
You can get away with it when you’re young, but not forever.
The fact is, the less you cum, the more energy you’ll have.
You might not notice it right away, but after a month you’ll feel like a new man.
And then you can take that energy and throw it into your business, into the gym, and into getting your life together.
If I could describe the definition of a man in one word it would be CONTROL
Control of his environment, control of his body and control of his will.
And controlling your sex drive is a big part of that.
Once you can harness that concentrated power, and throw it into succeeding on all levels…
You become a motherfucking force to be reckoned with.
You can take that edge you get from sexual frustration and use it to hit the weights hard as hell.
You can use that edge to work 10 hours a day building your money machine.
You can use that edge to get organized.
And you can use that edge to get motivated and start kicking ass every day.
Again, that might sound counterintuitive, but it’s not. Every time you feel that pang of aggression or sexual frustration, the move is to channel it into something that’s going to make your life better. Not only will this release you from that negative state, but it further helps you to de-prioritize women.
And the sooner you learn this skill, the better your life will be. If you can’t harness your sex drive, you’re forever going to be that guy that girls can lead around by their dick, even after you solve the problem of getting laid.
3) Tantric Masturbation
No PMO (Porn/Masturbation/Orgasm) is the ideal and will give you the sharpest energy and the most motivation to get at girls. My record is 8 months of no PMO (while still having sex) and I’ve never felt better or more productive.
But the truth is, for most guys this is a tough thing to do, especially when you’re not getting laid. And especially for long periods of time where you’re really working hard.
The next best option is tantric masturbation. When you practice tantric masturbation you can take that excess life force that’s not going into your business or the gym and recycle it throughout your body without the energy cost of ejaculating.
The reason tantric masturbation is so effective is because you can still enjoy having an orgasm without the energy cost. And you can redirect all that powerful energy throughout your body giving you a nice, energetic buzz.
But it’s not just about the pleasure, it’s the fact that you can become a self-sustaining unit. Ironically, when I wrote How To Fuck Women Properly I cut off all the girls in my life so I could write 14 hours a day for 2.5 months and used tantric masturbation to handle any sexual frustration I had.
Those 2.5 months of concentrated work have been paying me for the last year and will probably pay me for the next decade – I’m telling you, control of your life force on a deep level is a very powerful thing.
It’s to the point where I cut off girls completely or to once a week every time I have a major project I want to get handled and tantric masturbation is a big part of allowing me to do that. Tantric masturbation is by far the best tool for getting control of your cock and controlling the excess frustration you can’t transmute into your goals.
- You’re not alone in your struggle with sexual frustration
- Sexual frustration is a real problem that deserves your attention
- Solving sexual frustration should be a priority, but not your first priority
- Sexual frustration can be solved by taking action and taking control of your mind
- Take action by focusing on getting laid and lowering your standards
- Take control of your mind by deprioritizing women, transmuting your sexual energy into your goals, and using tantric masturbation to control excess sexual energy
- Make it happen and start feeling better today
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